Cohousing-L Mailing List: Developer Driven Cohousing

[Diana Kardia (diana]

Sharon Villines wrote:
Rob Sandlin has noted that communities become less diverse the longer
they are in existence.  Like chooses like -- not from within the  
community necessarily but
from without. People don't move in unless they see themselves in the
community. This process of withdrawal and inclusion begins from the
first meeting. The sooner that process begins, the sooner the group
becomes more cohesive and less diverse. Groups have to be in agreement
on a lot of basic issues or they can't live together. Diversity has
its limits.


The ability to truly find common ground, build sound and lasting  
agreements, and develop understanding and the ability to communicate  
across our profound array of differences is vital to our ability to  
live in community with each other.  But I would say that it's our  
skills at doing this that have their limits rather than diversity  
itself.  While it's true that two individuals, or two groups, etc.  
may decide that they are not going to throw their lot in together  
because their goals are incompatible, it's been my experience and  
observation that this conclusion is far too often reached  
prematurely, and through much more unproductive conflict and  
misunderstanding than is necessary.

This is not just a description of cohousing, of course - it's what we  
see everywhere.  So, it's not surprise that cohousing deals with this  
as well, and that left unattended what we slide toward is the  
familiar, where we know how to negotiate the territory.  But I've  
also seen significant bridges built in cohousing - across cultural  
differences, across seemingly intractable interpersonal conflicts,  
across those high-school-esque feelings of who gets to be included in  
what gatherings, etc.  By putting more attention on just what it  
takes to live well together amidst all our wild, ridiculous,  
wonderful individuality, social identities, and Myers Briggs types,  
the communities we are building can be strengthened and maybe even  
transformed to be more of who we seek to be (given how often  
diversity gets mentioned in community missions statements).

Diana Kardia
Sunward Cohousing
Where all the children are above average...