Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Involvement of newcomers 7/11/09

[Monty Berman (mberman116]

Regarding Today's Topics of July 11, 2009:
> From: cohousing-l-request [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 66, Issue 11
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Date: Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:16:17 -0700

    2. involvement of newcomers vs. long-term community members
>       (Craig Ragland)
>    3. Re: involvement of newcomers vs. long-term community members
>       (Sharon Villines)
  
    I see Craig and Sharon both being on target. Getting across expectations at 
the beginning has always been, for me, powerful; powerful in that I/we let it 
be known what we value and want from all of us, including newcomers but also 
from those already here. The clearer we make this at the beginning the less I, 
at least, need to feel resentment when not heeded. And I have found that there 
are plenty of opportunities for reminders of the expectations in our ongoing 
life together. 
       I find that this stating of expectations then releases me from feeling 
the need to "get on" others who are not, at least to my knowledge, doing their 
fair share of team chores or meeting participation and, as Craig intimates, 
lets me focus on what they may be contributing or, even more to the point, how 
much I am meeting the expectations.

Monty

Monty Berman Founding member, EcoVillage at Ithaca (NY)

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> 
> 
> 
> Message: 2
> Date: Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:12:53 -0700
> From: Craig Ragland <craigragland [at] gmail.com>
> Subject: [C-L]_ involvement of newcomers vs. long-term community
>       members
> To: JKMalone [at] comcast.net, Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
> Message-ID:
>       <3d048fc40907111012s1796d4can12f7bf595ce1ab57 [at] mail.gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
> 
> As I've listened, I've heard two basic stories around this...
> 
> (1) newcomers who do not jump in and don't seem to embrace what their
> (established) community has to offer
> 
> - and-
> 
> (2) newcomers who rapidly immerse in the community's culture...
> 
> One thing I've come to believe is that cohousing neighbors in the first
> group (the less involved) are still much better neighbors than most
> Americans will ever experience in conventional suburbs or in multi-family
> housing... (your mileage my vary)
> 
> I used to worry about folks in my community that didn't show up for this or
> that event or project or who stopped participating in common meals - as I
> personally value high community involvement. Over the last few years, I've
> mellowed and have come to believe its helpful for everyone if I just relax
> about it. Appreciating who they are as great neighbors seems healthier all
> around than agonizing over why somebody doesn't show up as much. Of course
> this appreciation may take longer as we spend less time together. It also
> means we have more news to share when we do get together.
> 
> Craig (Songaia resident since 1992)
> 
> On Sat, Jul 11, 2009 at 9:13 AM, Joelyn Malone <JKMalone [at] comcast.net> 
> wrote:
> 
> >
> > Here at Monterey Cohousing (MN) we've been at this business of living
> > together for 16 years now, but still haven't solved the issue of new
> > residents not seeming to be as "invested" in the community aspect of
> > cohousing as some of us who helped create the place. One theory is that
> > the new folks somehow don't feel as empowered to have influence and make
> > changes they see as necessary. This in spite of the fact that we've
> > tried to structure our meetings and processes to provide that
> > empowerment; especially the message "your concerns are as valid as
> > anyone's" and "if you don't like something, bring it up and take it
> > through the process we use to make changes" - rather than just
> > complaining about it to the other new people".
> > We are thinking of implementing something we've seen in the membership
> > process of new groups who haven't yet moved in, which is a pledge to
> > honor our vision statement and actively participate in various
> > activities (work requirements, meal program) even though we know we
> > can't legally "require" this of new buyers. Have others used this
> > mechanism, and has it been effective? I think we can't make it binding,
> > but at least it would bring our expectations to the potential future
> > owner in a way they would need to actively accept the expected
> > responsibilities (by signing the pledge) or actively choose not to do
> > so, whereby we would at least know where we stand with that owner if
> > they do buy in.
> > _________________________________________________________________
> > Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at:
> > http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
> ------------------------------
> 
> Message: 3
> Date: Sat, 11 Jul 2009 13:20:48 -0400
> From: Sharon Villines <sharon [at] sharonvillines.com>
> Subject: Re: [C-L]_ involvement of newcomers vs. long-term community
>       members
> To: Craig [at] Songaia.com, Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
> Message-ID: <74667873-4D05-4C37-93FA-B2194F81F12B [at] sharonvillines.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII; format=flowed; delsp=yes
> 
> 
> On Jul 11, 2009, at 1:12 PM, Craig Ragland wrote:
> 
> > (2) newcomers who rapidly immerse in the community's culture...
> 
> This has on the whole been our experience. In fact as I posted a few  
> months ago, when new people moved in I felt that community had  
> suddenly grown in size. The new people were so much more involved that  
> those who moved out.
> 
> It may be a function of the age of the community -- that we had people  
> chomping at the bit to move in -- but I don't think so. In some cases,  
> yes, but not the majority.
> 
> We do an orientation and we have been fortunate that the people who  
> moved out did also tell buyers what they were getting into. Our units  
> are usually in high demand as well so sellers have a choice to whom  
> they sell.
> 
> Sharon
> ----
> Sharon Villines
> Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
> http://www.takomavillage.org
> 
> 
> 
> 
>  *********************