Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Troublesome Community Members: What's a Board to do?

[Holly McNutt (holly.mcnutt]

Hi Elizabeth,

I've been perusing the archives and haven't been able to locate that.  Any 
further info that might help me put my finger on it?

Thanks,
Holly

On Aug 8, 2012, at 8:55 AM, Elizabeth Magill wrote:

> 
> There is an extreme example of this back in the archives, where the community 
> in the end DID go to court and force the person to move. 
> 
> That was a case of serious mental illness.
> 
> Its worth reading because they had advice about steps they wish they had 
> taken sooner.
> 
> It might come up under searches for psychosis or mental illness.
> 
> I use some of their advice in my job fairly often.
> 
> -Liz
> Elizabeth Magill
> www.worcesterfellowship.org
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On Aug 8, 2012, at 8:49 AM, Sharon Villines wrote:
> 
>> 
>> 
>> On Aug 8, 2012, at 1:02 AM, Holly McNutt <holly.mcnutt [at] gmail.com> wrote:
>> 
>>> What, if anything, can a board do to reign in, or at least contain the 
>>> damage caused by, a particularly Troublesome Community Member? (TCM)
>> 
>> Firstly, I wouldn't consider this to be "just" a board responsibility, 
>> though the board could take leadership. If the board considers it "their" 
>> problem, then other community members can sit back and watch.
>> 
>>> From both sides — seeing a community member in conflict and being in 
>>> conflict with the community (to the extent that there is a "community") I 
>>> would suggest:
>> 
>> 1. Don't panic. This has happened a million times and everyone survived.
>> 
>> 2. If the person is calling in the legal process, or threatening to, consult 
>> experts on whatever legal process it is so you are clear on what your 
>> options are. You don't have to be combative about it. Just do it the same 
>> way you figure out what toothpaste is or what magazines are available at the 
>> library. Cohousing too often has its head in the sand about legal issues. 
>> Most laws are actually very sensible and were designed to address exactly 
>> this kind of problem. Read the law yourself - you don't have to spend a 
>> fortune in legal fees. Consul the local chapter of the Communities 
>> Association Institute (CAI).
>> 
>> 3. Find someone who can talk to this person and whom they will talk to so 
>> you can clarify issues and keep communications open. Miscommunications are 
>> so easy and isolation not helpful. This communications person may have to 
>> change from time to time because they will get tired of the role, but we all 
>> have people we can talk to and people we can't. If the person has a lawyer, 
>> talk to the lawyer. (If the lawyer will only talk to a lawyer, do not feel 
>> obliged to comply.)
>> 
>> 4. Do nice things for this person — they feel conflict as much as you do. 
>> Treat them like any other member of the community who is having a rough 
>> time. Take them a pie, or leave it outside their door if you don't want to 
>> talk them. This will make you feel much better. Do unto others ….
>> 
>> 5. Remember what Rob Sandelin said many years ago — some people leave 
>> cohousing like they leave anything else in life, they just go. Others go out 
>> in a hail of bullets and thunder and lightning. They have to leave the place 
>> in rubble in order to get themselves out believing that they are right to 
>> go. Let this person be right. Admit that you can't do what they want you to 
>> do or be what they want you to be. Maybe they will leave.
>> 
>> 6. This is the reason you have a majority vote back up. Not everyone is sane 
>> or wants to be. You can only reach consensus with people who are willing and 
>> able to discuss issues sensibly and participate in a process of resolving 
>> objections, which requires exploring ideas, testing possible solutions, and 
>> measuring results. 
>> 
>> 7. Being nice doesn't mean being wishy-washing and not making decisions. Be 
>> firm. Draw the line in the sand, and remember it's only sand. You can change 
>> the line if it seems appropriate.
>> 
>> 8. Remember what Laird Schaub says — paraphrasing because I can't remember 
>> exactly — You will eventually have to pay for not making decisions, and the 
>> interest is high.
>> 
>> Please keep the list informed. All communities confront this at one point or 
>> another. We get these questions but often don't hear about what was tried, 
>> what worked, and what the outcomes were.
>> 
>> Sharon
>> ----
>> Sharon Villines, Washington DC
>> Save Our Planet. It's the only one with chocolate.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
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