Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: "Good of the Community" [was email etiquette

[Moz (list]

Sharon Villines said:
> On Feb 24, 2014, at 12:30 PM, Don Benson <benson6451 [at] aol.com> wrote:
>> 1.  what I want; and
>> 2.  what we need.
> "Wants" and "needs" are not so easy to define. What I view as a need, others 
> view as a want.

I have a tendency to put the second as "what I think we need", but
I've also noticed that many people take the latter as being the
starting point for a negotiation towards what they want. As with the
gap between consensus and voting/ democracy, it can be difficult to
get everyone to understand at a gut level what's going on. Most people
instinctively operate by "start negotiating at the closest thing to
what I want", rather than thinking about the what I want/what we need
distinction.

From asking, often they're not even conscious enough of what they're
doing to be able to say "I see your need as a want", it's more "you
said X, and I'd like kind of X so let's both work on getting my thing
that's like X". Put that way it is an excellent compromise position :)

But viewed as "I think this is the minimum we need", someone starting
with "ok, so we will aim for less than that..." can feel pretty awful.

I struggle to turn that "let's both work to get my thing that's like
your thing" into "lets agree on what we all need".

Moz