Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Prioritizing conflict in cohousing

[Dane Laverty (danelaverty]

I'm only a cohousing observer, not a cohousing participant, so I can't
really speak to the cohousing experience with conflict. However, I've
participated in many organizations and communities, and #3 and #11 stand
out to me as the primary sources of conflict in my experience. (I'd clarify
my view on #3 by restating it as "Absence of consistently enforced normal
consequences".)

Dane Laverty
Roseville, CA

On Fri, Nov 18, 2016 at 11:35 AM, Mary Baker, Solid Communications <
mary [at] solid-communications.com> wrote:

>
> Hi all, I am finishing up a project I’ve been working on for some time
> called the DIY Conflict Resolution Workbook, and would really appreciate
> your input on the final chapter, which is about conflict in cohousing and
> ways to achieve resolution and create positive ground maps for the future.
> I’ll be discussing the following 12 things that people have submitted as
> creating conflict in cohousing, and what I’d like to hear from you is which
> of these factors you think occur most often, create the most divisiveness,
> or are the most difficult to deal with. In other words, help me prioritize!
>
> 1.      Conflict avoidance
>
> 2.      Intolerance and lack of empathy for anger and acting out
>
> 3.      Absence of normal consequences—creating a vacuum that allows
> enabled behavior
>
> 4.      Clashes in leadership styles
>
> 5.      Compelled behaviors and expectations
>
> 6.      Lack of sensitive conflict management (ignoring emotional pain)
>
> 7.      Gossip and internal cliques
>
> 8.      Non-transparent channels of communication—often caused by fear of
> technology and digital communication
>
> 9.      Old Guard elitism
>
> 10.   Over-reacting to minor skirmishes
>
> 11.   Lack of clarity in expectations (includes emotional expectations)
>
> 12.   Lack of transparency about group history
>
> Examples or illustrations from your own experience are always appreciated
> too, but are not necessary.
> Many thanks!
> Mary
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