Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Use of science/facts in decision making

[Lynn Nadeau / Maraiah (welcome]

One issue is sorting out what ARE facts? Research x may show video games 
fostering antisocial behavior; George points out that he and his brothers 
played all sorts of war games and turned out to be fine gentle adults. Often 
there are "facts" which conflict. 

In a workshop on Compassionate Listening, I learned a strategy I have found 
useful. This is to look at a conflict situation and parse out "facts", 
"feelings" and "values". In the workshop we'd listen to someone telling the 
story of their conflict ("I have this horrible neighbor who does this and that 
and they deserve so and so....". One person listened for what they heard as 
facts (On August 12, neighbor said and did this.), feelings (You felt angry 
when you saw...), and values (It's important to you to....).  These observers 
then reported back to the speaker for verification. Later I used that approach, 
solo, as minute-taking secretary trying to describe a fraught discussion that 
had taken place, and found it clarifying. 

There still may be conflicts -- different values for example, like using that 
field for ball games vs keeping the grass from being eroded -- but it helps at 
times to boil it down to what is happening in these three arenas. 

Maraiah Lynn Nadeau
RoseWind Cohousing, long-built in Port Townsend WA
www.rosewind.com