Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: co-care agreements?

[Muriel Kranowski (murielk]

We had a half-day forum on this topic about two months ago with very good
attendance. We tried to broaden it to include all kinds of co-care
possibilities, not just the needs of older members, though that was the
original impetus - it arose from an Aging In Place group that's been
meeting on and off for a few years.

We basically did two things at this forum:
 -Came up with a comprehensive list of possible helping activities - some
were written up in advance by the event planners plus whatever else
attendees could think of. These were posted around the room on large sheets
of paper.
 -Then everyone walked around the room using red and green dots to give
feedback on (1) their willingness to provide those activities, and (2)
their willingness to receive each kind of assistance. The feedback included
how often and for how long people were willing to give or wanted to receive
each kind of help to/from their neighbors.

My takeaway was that, at least in the abstract, we're willing to provide
and to accept various kinds of concrete shortish-term help and some
medium-term help, but most people didn't want to give or accept very
personal or quasi-medical care or to make open-ended commitments except of
a trivial kind.

So, people might volunteer to bring your mail to you and to walk your dog
every day as long as you live here, to fix meals for a couple of weeks, to
take you to the doctor while you recover from surgery or illness, but most
were not willing to help you get dressed, buy your groceries, fix meals,
take care of your house and yard, drive you to doctor's appointments etc.,
*for an indefinite period* as you decline - and most didn't expect that
from their neighbors either.

It was evident from this exercise, and we agreed, that we're not a
cradle-to-grave community. At some point, residents with serious physical
or cognitive issues should expect to sell their house and move to senior
living/ assisted living, In fact in the last couple of years, four singles
or couples have done just that, and two more residents are about to leave
as well because of their increasing age-related physical limitations.

  Muriel at Shadowlake Village