Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Posting Request-Dealing with Sensitive Issues

[Alan O'Hashi (adoecos]

Robin - If you think talking about other people's kids is sensitive, wait until 
you talk about other people's money!

I'd say comportment around such topics is one of community maturation or lack 
thereof. Neighbors can get really wound up and get into arguments. Speaking 
first hand, I just got into one myself that resulted in a wrist-slapping. 

I think the key thing is for people not to take things too personally, 
particularly if there are personal attacks that arise from presentation of 
hard-to-swallow facts. At the end of the day, everyone still has to continue to 
work together.

The analogy I use is, that of Robin Hood. If you've ever seen any of those 
movies, certain members of Robin's "band of merry men" get into these 
knock-down, drag-out fights. But when it came to defeating the Sheriff of 
Nottingham, they drop their fists and join in and work together to achieve 
their "higher purpose."

Communities - particularly forming communities - should spend more time talking 
about relationship issues than what kind of countertop finishes to pick.

There's also the gravity of evil test. What becomes contentious to one person 
may be no-big-deal to someone else. If a kid is screaming in front of one 
house, may not even be a known issue to a household on the other end of the 
building.

At my place, the process for a topic to be processed and finally approved takes 
really a long time. In fact, it takes so long that circumstances change 
tremendously in between idea to approval - people move, new people arrive, two 
people work out the problem. The vast majority of 'things' will resolve 
themselves.

Thx,
Alan O