Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: what I wish I knew before move in

[T G (triciamill9]

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> More people should be this honest. I see a lot of prpmotions for new
> communities trying to sell this as utopia. I saw one ad today comparing
> their community to the "Imagine" song by John Lenon.....Yes, there are some
> great features but don't try to say it is more than it is.
>
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> Message: 2
> Date: Fri, 9 Oct 2020 09:40:07 -0400
> From: CJ Q <homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com>
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: [C-L]_ what I wish I knew before move in
> Message-ID:
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> CAAR7g+8smR9f0Asf6x789FNbCWVM_-yKvup_Mrde5Sdik2WMQQ [at] mail.gmail.com>
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> I've been thinking about this a lot. I don't remember who first posted it
> but if you want, feel free to email me directly.
> LIke many have said, the most important thing is working on consensus and
> relationship skills.
> I was so into cohousing from the minute I heard about it. I was ready to
> live there forever. I had no idea how big a commitment that is to live with
> other people. What if you don't have the same values? Sure, surface values
> seem fine (like most are liberal) but core values of how you treat people.
> What if there is one person or a few families that cause a lot of problems
> and there is no accountability yet on what the community expectations are?
> I wish I had rented and gotten to really know everyone first.  The pre
> planning meetings were nice but trying to be at home and with people 24/7
> is different.  I also later found out that the first 5 years of a new
> community is tough as they learn to live together.  I had worked at schools
> before but I didn't realize that when you go home, you want to relax, so
> the conflict can make that rough at least until the other members, and
> yourself, stop being so conflict averse.
>
> There is privacy but you do get to know a lot about each other. What
> happens if what you find is disturbing?  I thought real world wouldn't be
> in cohousing- that domestic violence, alcoholism, and other issues wouldn't
> be here (not saying they are, but examples of how there are families with
> serious issues).  Without a strong group that can support those families,
> or children, it can cause a lot of division in the neighborhood at least
> until they become the ideal cohousing community which does not act like the
> mainstream.
>
> Plus, my children never were into it.  And other people's children didn't
> really choose to be there either and they too have to adjust to other
> neighbors and their values..  I also assumed others would have empathy for
> kids with disabilities but that may not be the case.  And diversity is easy
> to talk about but the truth is people tend to gravitate to people who think
> like them and may not respect other socio economic age groups, or racial
> ways of thinking.
>
> -Carol
> homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com
> now trying to sell or rent out her coho house
>
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