Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Inappropriate Behavior

[Joyce Cheney (jcheneyjc]

We have no work requirements, and no work expectations. We only have hopes - 
that residents/owners will pitch in with the many kinds of work that coho 
REQUIRES. Not surprisingly, a few people do LOTS of the work, and there are 
resentments/burnouts. Some, not all, feel that this dearth of work 
requirement/expectation is a mistake. 

Because there is no work requirement or expectation, it’s taboo to discuss with 
someone their not working, except to emphasize the fun/sense of community that 
can come from pitching in.

 Shared meals are different: people choose to sign up every quarter, and 
REQUIRED cooking/cleanup slots are divided equally amongst those who will eat 
that quarter.   

Sent from my iPhone

> On Sep 6, 2021, at 1:33 PM, Virgil Huston <virgil.huston1955 [at] gmail.com> 
> wrote:
> 
> All these things are what happens all the time in social situations.
> Except maybe asking to borrow a car, but only because that may be a
> rare thing to need to ask for (although in poor communities, that and
> asking for rides happens all the time. People are never obligated to
> answer questions put to them and can say no to requests to borrow
> things. Many of the things you mention are how people have been
> getting to know each other since language was invented. And I see
> nothing wrong about calling out slackers LOL. The slacker may not like
> it.
> 
>> On Mon, Sep 6, 2021 at 2:30 PM Muriel Kranowski <murielk [at] vt.edu> wrote:
>> 
>> Responding to these in increasing rank from totally innocuous to possibly
>> problematic:
>> 
>> Asking to borrow a car for an important local trip. - very acceptable, and
>> the trip doesn't have to be that important
>> 
>> Responding to email post that may not be directed to you but that you have
>> information about. -I don't think anyone would object to this.
>> 
>> Asking question of neighbors pertaining to their health, work, community
>> involvement  or their family.- So, is it okay to ask nosy questions...
>> depends on the relationship, the situation, the context in which it's
>> asked, all of that. My husband just had serious surgery and EVERYONE is
>> asking about his health, and that feels good and supportive. But when I
>> knew a neighbor was out of work, I didn't want to keep bugging him with
>> "How's the job search going?" even though I was concerned about him.
>> 
>> Mentioning to community members about their lack of participation around
>> tasks they have chosen or assigned.- Well, since we all know this is not an
>> easy conversation to have, we have a workshare position called Workshare
>> Tracker whom we authorize to have those conversations for us. You have to
>> have the right kind of person for this, and fortunately we do. Somehow this
>> question has a very privacy-invading vibe to it, even though it directly
>> affects the community.
>> 
>>    Muriel at Shadowlake Village
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