Cohousing-L Mailing List: Seeking mediator/consultant: Small org-owned IC facing growing pains (Northeast US)

[miguel [at] hellomiguel.com (miguel]

Dear Cohousing-L community,

First-time poster here. I'm a resident in my 30s living in a small intentional 
community housed in a suburban religious property in the Northeast - half the 
building is sanctuary space, half is living space for 6-7 adults. While we're 
called an intentional community, in practice we function more like a 
traditional landlord-tenant arrangement where all decisions are made by a 
non-resident volunteer board. The community has operated this way for a while, 
though recent events highlight our urgent need to evolve into a true 
intentional community model.

Having moved twice already in the past year, I'm deeply committed to making 
this living situation work - but we urgently need professional support to 
bridge the gap between residents' daily experiences and our volunteer board 
(mostly retired homeowners who don't live on-site). Currently, residents have 
no formal voice in governance or community decisions, despite being the ones 
who live with the consequences of board decisions.

We recently experienced a challenging situation with an unauthorized long-term 
guest that highlighted significant gaps in our policies and procedures. While 
that immediate situation has resolved, it revealed deeper structural needs 
around governance, safety, and communication. Throughout this situation, 
residents had no clear channel to raise concerns or participate in 
decision-making processes that directly affected our safety and living 
environment.

Our key challenges:
1. Transitioning from top-down board governance to true intentional community 
participation
2. Establishing clear policies around guests, safety, and resident screening
3. Creating accountability between non-resident decision-makers and the small 
resident group
4. Developing emergency response protocols and clear lines of communication
5. Addressing significant generational differences in understanding shared 
living

The board's responses to concerns have included:
- "We're all volunteers with our own life challenges"
- "We've never had this issue before/We've never needed these policies before"
- "We can't discuss certain matters due to privacy concerns" (even when the 
issues directly affect resident safety)
- "These things take time to process"
- "We're overwhelmed with just keeping Sunday services running"
- "We never had guests before, so we never needed guest policies"
- "We're trying very hard but there are always 12 other things"

While I empathize with the challenges of running a volunteer organization, 
these responses highlight the fundamental disconnect between those making 
decisions and those living with the consequences. Without clear policies, 
procedures, and resident participation in governance, we're constantly in 
reactive mode rather than proactively building a stable community.

I specifically want to find:
- A professional mediator or cohousing consultant who has experience with:
  * Small religious organization/residential hybrids
  * Transitioning from top-down to collaborative governance
  * Clear policy development for guest situations
  * Balancing community safety with compassion
  * Resident advocacy in mixed-use buildings
- Recommendations for funding this support
- Examples of successful consulting arrangements for small communities
- Suggested scope/structure for professional engagement

While our board members are well-intentioned volunteers, the current power 
dynamics aren't sustainable. Moving is deeply disruptive - personally, 
professionally, and financially. I believe bringing in professional support now 
could help us build the stable, thriving community we all want to create.

Has anyone worked with mediators or consultants in similar situations? What 
should we look for? What should we avoid? Any specific recommendations welcome, 
either on-list or off. We especially welcome insights from others who have 
navigated the transition from traditional top-down governance to true 
intentional community.

Some specific questions:
- What governance structures give residents meaningful voice in decisions?
- How have other small communities funded outside consulting/mediation?
- What scope of work/timeframe is realistic for this kind of support?

Thank you for any guidance you can share.

Best regards,
Miguel 

—
Miguel Manalo [he/him]
miguel [at] hellomiguel.com
+1.551.587.2045
https://cal.com/miguelmanalo