Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Graduating to Cohousing on Steroids

[Lisa Kuntz (lisa.kuntz]

This a such a helpful message, Sharon, and brings up some issues that
concern many of us in cohousing: aging buildings, aging bodies,  more
tasks, less energy.

I never knew such a thing existed, although I have a friend in San
Francisco who lives in a community that sounds similar.

Keep us updated, please.

Lisa Kuntz
Daybreak Cohousing, Portland OR

On Thu, Jun 12, 2025 at 7:51 AM Sharon Villines via Cohousing-L <
cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:

> The reason I have been signing my posts with just “Sharon” is that I have
> moved out of Takoma Village Cohousing and into a senior community.
> Riderwood Village is literally cohousing on steroids. Everything that
> existed at Takoma Village exists at Riderwood. Diversity of all kinds, for
> example. 200+ groups including services to the community, services to a
> local elementary school, integration of programs with a community college,
> book discussions, library management. 200+ is a lot and some are small or
> inactive. And the party planners do promise that their parties end at 9:30
> unless otherwise appropriate (New Years Eve).
>
> I began looking at a senior community 3 years ago because I could see the
> toll that caring for her father who had had a stroke was taking on my
> daughter. In the prime of her life, her fifties, when she had accomplished
> professional success and finanacial security so she could “retire” early
> and follow her dreams, she was spending days and weeks on the telephone or
> the train to supervise his 24/7 care. She was tense and sick and in no
> shape to even find out what her dreams might be.
>
> Takoma Village was approaching its 25th anniversary and the founders who
> remained in the community, including myself, were slowing down and more
> frequently just not available to do the work of supporting the community.
> We were adding to the work because we required more attention or were
> unable to provide attention. For several years, someone had warmed a frozen
> dinner or brought a dinner to a person who could no longer manage his
> microwave. It was a quick task and those how took it on enjoyed both
> cooking and the conversation. Then a 92 year old began being disoriented,
> particularly at night. A visiting schedule was set up so someone visited
> her everyday to keep her connected. Those examples are just 2 of many.
>
> At the same time, the buildings were all requiring their 200,000 mile
> maintenance—the really big one of 20-25 years. These were major projects
> that required making decisions about things we knew nothing about. On top
> of having to hire large contractors to do the work, we had to hire
> engineers to analyze what we needed. The contract for replacing the
> balconies and decks was almost 4 inches thick. We were no longer able to
> act as a group making facilities decisions by consensus because we knew
> very little about them. Consent focused on accepting a contract that seemed
> reasonable. It wasn’t like solar panels or insullation that many of us knew
> about.
>
> I gradually realized why other cohousing members had moved to senior
> communities in their 80s because they felt unable to contribute. They
> contributed a lot but they just didn’t have the energy to cope with
> thinking about the on and on of facilities management, orienting new
> residents to community values (which takes a lot of time and attention),
> and coping with their own lives and their adult children’s problems. It is
> a rude awakening to realize that those neat little families of 2 children
> would keep expanding into infinity until we had to have a calendar to
> remember birthdays which seemed to be happening weekly.
>
> My daughter’s stress level plummeted when I agreed to put down a deposit
> to reserve a space at Riderwood. I still had no intention of moving. Over
> the next 3 years I considered what Riderwood was really like. The
> experiences that convinced me that it was a possible place to live were (1)
> whenever anyone referred to “the community” they included the staff in the
> number. “A community of 3,000+ people.” (2) They held a gay pride parade on
> campus that included staff and residents and posted pictures on the
> website. (3) The 200+ clubs are mostly “teams” who manage all the tasks
> that cohousers do for each other. Except manage maintenance and repair and
> cooking meals.
>
> Cohousing has a scale problem. At 40-50 units, it is very difficult to
> maintain the facilities in any other way than a monthly work day to clean
> and do small repairs. The more expensive the units become the more people
> have to work to pay for them.
>
> The “Neighbors in Deed” directory at Riderwood is 46 pages of names and
> numbers of residents who have offered services: walking pets, opening jars,
> changing batteries, hanging pictures, taking a photograph, sewing buttons,
> mending, shopping, resetting clocks, wrapping packages, wake up calls,
> closet cleaning, errands, help with technology.
>
> Riderwood doesn’t stress it’s coninuing life care programs. It only admits
> people into independent living and most of the staff is focused on making
> independent living comfortable. Whatever I need, I call either "General
> Services" to fix things or a coordinator of a team/service for information
> or advice. Each door has a latch that someone sets late at night that flips
> up when the door is opened. Any latch not tripped by about noon means a
> knock on the door to be sure everyone is alright. They knocked on my door 4
> times in the first month. I was opening my door at 1-2 am to trip the
> latch, but the staff had decided to set the latches at 3-4 am becuase many
> people were still coming home at midnight.
>
> All of the security staff are EMS certified. If soneone is not okay, they
> know what to do. “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” calls are responded to in
> 3-5 minutes.
>
> This is only part of what life is like here. People are very welcoming and
> friendly. People sitting next to each other talk to each other. It is
> literally cohousing on steroids. There are 4 residential buildings around a
> community building that is like a common house on sterioids — the wood shop
> is incredibly well stocked, 2 resturants (casual and finer dining), a front
> desk peopled 24/7, a bar open a few hours a few days a week, a craft  room,
> a classroom, a laundry, a salon, a gym, etc. Garden plots—flowers or
> vegetables.
>
> This is why I said I’ve graduated from cohousing. I want to figure out how
> a community of 3,000 people manages to feel like a community when some are
> paid staff and others residents and others are very busy volunteers. The
> Resident Handbook is written by the Resident Coordinator’s team and is 150
> pages. Somehow it manages to maintain a friendly suggestive tone instead of
> mandating rules.
>
> The residents also maintain a website of calendars, schedules, and email
> lists. I was here for 3 days without knowing about “Chatterwood” which is a
> general members list. It was a 3-day weekend and I really didn’t want to
> bother staff with newby questions or go around knocking on doors. All of
> which I could have done. But when I connected with an email list, I knew I
> was home. (There are also lists for ride sharing, politics, etc.) The
> topics are all the same as those on the Takoma Village members list.
>
> One feature of having staff is there are many highschool and college
> students who are running around. Three staff members where just promoted to
> management positions who began 20 years ago as college students with
> scholarships. Gifts and tips from residents to staff are “not allowed”
> because some staff are less visible — they don’t want the bias. The
> discussion at lunch with 2 total strangers was how to give gifts without
> violating the rules to 2 workers who were graduating from college this
> month. They decided that if they went to the graduation, they would not be
> giving Riderwood service gifts. These were clearly friends.
>
> So my plan is to continue writting about what cohousing could learn from
> other kinds of residential communities. Many things that people say only
> exist in cohousing is not true — many of them exist in traditional
> apartment buildings and certainly in condos. There are some areas where
> senior communities are behind cohousing and some that senior communities
> are ahead of cohousing.
>
> Sorry this is so long but I knew none of these things a few years ago and
> they make the move understandable. Workshare is a continuing problem in
> cohousing and I don’t see any alernatives without a change in scale.
>
> Sharon
> ——
> Sharon Villines
> Riderwood Village, Silver Spring MD
>
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