Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Porches/Stoops/Anti-Social Behavior

[Fred H Olson WB0YQM (fholson]

LF [at] ISR.HARVARD.EDU Lynne Farnum
is the author of the message below but due
to a listserv problem it was posted by the COHOUSING-L sysop (Fred).
****************  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS *********************

That was a wonderful story about George and Louise and "stoop culture".
Just a generation or two ago, that was how most neighorhoods 
functioned, whether in a small town or a big city.  I grew up in
a New Hampshire town of 4000, and although most areas were not so
densely built that you could talk stoop-to-stoop or porch-to-sidewalk,
it was expected that you would talk with anyone you met while
walking down the street, and wave to anyone who wasn't close enough
to talk to.  You didn't have to like your neighbors or have a great
deal in common with them, but there was a definite community standard
of neighborliness.

Harry contends that people haven't become less social, they just
don't behave in neighborly ways any more because a conspiracy of evil
architects stopped designing front porches.  I won't presume to 
describe Canadian society, since I don't live there.  But I have 
observed the enormous changes in community behavior (or lack of it) 
in America over the last 35 years.

A recent Boston Globe article struck me as exemplifying the extreme
lengths to which our society has come to value individualism over 
community, and personal autonomy over shared experiences.  Research
studies show that the average number of TVs per household is about 3
and increasing rapidly.  (This at a time when household size is
shrinking just as fast.)  In many homes TVs now outnumber the people.
One suburban family of 4 that was profiled had 7 TVs: one in each
bedroom, plus kitchen, living room, family room, and playroom.  The
parents explained that after a hard day at work they liked to "relax"
in the living room with their programs of choice, while each of their
sons watched their own shows in separate rooms from the time they
got home from school, except when they went out to basketball or
football practice.  The beauty of this arrangement, you see, is that
everybody gets their own remote and no one ever has to talk to the
rest of the family, or even be in the same room with them!

Is it any wonder that in a culture where people increasingly avoid
interacting with even their closest family members, most do not seek
interaction with their neighbors?  Does anyone think that the family
above -- not at all atypical -- would be organizing block parties 
and devoting their weekends to community projects, if only they had
a front porch?  Come on, the only way they'd sit on a front porch is
if there was a TV -- make that 3 TVs -- and that would kind of defeat
the community-building purpose.

There are many, many people who mourn the loss of community life 
and long to be connected to the people and place where they live.
That's why they're attracted to cohousing.  But we have to be 
realistic and acknowledge that those goals are at odds with the
prevailing trends in popular culture.  It no longer surprises me that
when I enthusiastically describe cohousing to people, the very things
that excite me about it are anathema to others.  "No attached garages?
A sidewalk 20' from my front door?  Eating meals cafeteria style?
Somebody else telling me what I can do in my own back yard?  No way!"

Yes, attached garages, lack of front porches, and deep setbacks 
certainly decrease neighborhood interaction.  And that is exactly 
what a majority of Americans want -- to be "protected" from other
people, and to maintain their privacy.  At any cost.

Lynne Farnum