Parental boundaries and expectations | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Rob Sandelin (Exchange) (RobsanExchange.MICROSOFT.com) | |
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 1996 11:34:55 -0500 |
Denise wrote: > I was talking >about the safety I expect to feel when my child goes to someone else's >house in the community, that I know she won't be allowed to plop down in >front of whatever happens to be on the TV; she won't be given sugary >snacks to the exclusion of healthy food; she's not going to find a loaded >gun left lying around; she won't see people hitting each other to resolve >conflict. > >One of the key areas of potential conflict comes from when your parental >expectations are not upheld by others. It is really helpful for each parent >to create a list, much like the above, for their kids, then share these with >all the other parents. This does not mean there will be a community parental >standard but you will know each others boundaries, and that is the key. > > For example, toy guns are not allowed in my house, and other kids that play >with toy guns in such a way that bothers me, my kids get removed from the >play. It is not OK with me for any toy weapon to be pointed at either of my >kids, and all the kids know this as do mine and so it rarely happens even >though mock violence (amoung the boys) happens, very little of it ever >involves my kids. I would never impose my parental standards on the other >kids, eg you can't play with toy guns, but the parents and other kids in the >neighborhood know this boundary for me and respect it. But I did have to >clearly communicate it to the whole group, and I think this is important for >all parents to explicitly do. > >Don't assume everyone holds the same values about child raising as you do. >For instance, what would happen if a parent moved into your group that >beleived that spanking was an important part of child rearing? Is there an >explicit agreement that hitting a child is not OK? If there is not, then do >not assume that no one is spanking their kids. You don't know this until you >move in together and boy what a trip that discussion will take you on. >Assumptions are very shakey ground, and often groups proceed on a lot of >assumptions about a lot of boundaries. Things like religous tolerance, >non-violence, sexual privacy, husband/wife realtionship privacy are often >assumed because that is what people expect from their own experiences. >However, what YOU personally beleive is not a group beleif until you all >discuss and agree. It becomes a pretty major potential conflict when your >assumptions turn out to not be reality. It was a HUGE shock for me to >discover that there are some religous bigots in our group. However, I >realized that we never agreed that freedom of religion was a group value, it >was just an assumption on my part. I dislike their bigotry, Its totally out >of sync with my values, but I live with it because I realize that my values >apply only to me. > >Rob Sandelin >Sharingwood >(Where I KNOW nobody spanks their kids cause we talked about it)
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Parental boundaries and expectations Rob Sandelin (Exchange), July 22 1996
- Re: Parental boundaries and expectations MelaSilva, July 22 1996
- RE: Parental boundaries and expectations Rob Sandelin (Exchange), July 22 1996
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