Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Through the looking glass #2

[lilbert (lilbert]

Dear Patty,
        I'll tell you what is happening- your house is starting to feel 
like it belongs to you.  You will learn how to set your boundaries.  You 
are not wrong to worry about your carpet and utility bills!  The 
construction people should NOT be using your stuff!   Construction 
companies do this all the time to cut costs.That is called stealing, and 
you don't have to put up with it.   Don't mistake them for a part of your 
community. They are not. They work for you, and you wouldn't put up with 
an employee stealing, would you? Also, don't leave your own tools lying 
around. They will disappear. Take them home with you every time until you 
occupy your new home.  This is just experience, not an indictment of 
every construction worker.
       One way we at Southside have coped with kids running in and out is 
to require shoes off at the door.  Most people here have this policy, and 
it works. Maybe a nice little sign outside will keep you from having to 
repeat yourself until it becomes a habit for everyone. This is your home, 
and you have every right to protect your investment.  At some point, you 
will not feel comfortable with more people in your life, and you need to 
have these boundaries so that when the time for solitude comes, it won't 
be a shock to your friends.  Also, some people have signs that they put 
up outside when they don't want knocks on the door.  You won't believe 
how people (Kids too) respect that sign.
        Any way the driveways can be changed? If not now, it will never 
happen.  
        Messy house. I've got one, and still have friends.  Even after 
five years, there are still people here who I don't invite into my house. 
 This is a big, lame, childhood issue with me, and I'm not over it. Maybe 
someday. You are not the only one in your group who is a slob. Do you 
think everyone's house looks like it does during the potlucks all the 
time? But the good thing is, you won't be spending as much time with 
guests in your house as you might think.  Most social activities that 
involve more than one friend will end up in the common house, and the 
people you like most won't care about your poor cleaning habits.
        Moving in is extraordinarily stressful.  Just because it's great, 
doesn't mean you won't have negative feelings.  This too shall pass.  Go 
out on the porch and have a beer.  Someone will join you, and cohousing 
bliss will set in once again.
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park