Re: Beyond Polyamory: Other Sex and Relationship Issues
From: Eris Weaver (eriswco.com)
Date: Sun, 24 Oct 1999 23:39:34 -0600 (MDT)
> >Deb, I appreciated your attempt to address this question; but can you see
> >that your response is still a JUDGEMENT or an OPINION and not a FEELING?
> >(Just saying "I feel" in front of something doesn't make it a feeling!)
>
> Yes, I see your point.  "I feel annoyed" about sums it up
> for me, I think.

Thanks!  After I fired this off I worried that I had worded in incorrectly
in an accusatory or judgemental way, and from your response it seems that I
did not.

> >I would invite you to focus on the second of Stuart's questions:
> >
> >>What bad thing might happen to you because of a polyamorous neighbour?
>
> I might be forced to endure the trial and error relationship
> fumblings of a group of people whose personal values and
> relationship boundaries are very loosely drawn.

If you are not involved in one of the relationships, how does it affect you?
(I would also submit that just because someone else's relationship
boundaries are differently shaped than yours, they may not necessarily be
"loosely drawn."  Sounds a bit like my fundamentalist Christian sister who
thinks that because I don't belong to the same type of church that I am
bringing up my son without morals. DIFFERENT morals or boundaries don't
necessarily mean NO morals or boundaries!)

> I might be subjected to accusations, as I have during this
> online discussion, of prejudice and narrow mindedness if
> I openly disapprove of polyamory.

Again I wonder why and how the topic should even come up in a public way.
And why it's your business to approve or disapprove publicly about other
people's relationships.

> I might witness the answer to the question "What happens
> when polyamory goes bad?", which I imagine to be more
> complex and ugly than events surrounding a simple divorce.

Possibly.  (Although I've seen so many really ugly divorces that it's hard
to imagine anything nastier.)

> I might be denied the pleasure of community harmony when
> a neighbor's fear of 'sexually aggressive' poly people leads
> to arguments or worse.

There are sexually aggressive people who AREN'T officially polyamorous!
Yes, one person's fear of another's differences can certainly create
tension, but this is certainly not unique to polyamory.

> I might have to endure the annoyance of a group of people
> who expect blanket noncritical acceptance of their behavior
> as a matter of course.

Again, not unique to polyamory!

> Eris wrote:
> >I have yet to see
> >anyone who objects to polyamory personally state any valid reason that it
> >might affect the community as a whole.

Deb wrote:
> I think we might assume that if enough people aren't
> comfortable with polyamory as a lifestyle, then this
> fact alone could upset the balance of community.

Again , this sounds too much to me like the arguments I hear against
homosexuality, particularly the whole marriage question; "A lot of us are
uncomfortable with it, so you don't get to do it."

Again, I'm not trying to pick on you Deb, but merely to keep the
conversation going.  Anybody else?

*****************************************************
Eris Weaver                            eris [at] wco.com
"Let the beauty we love be what we do."
                         ---Mevlana Jelaladin Rumi

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