Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Image fear/stereotypes

[pattymara (pattymara]

Dear Rob and List,
At Tierra Nueva, Cen, CA Coast, we have some of these folks that you've
described in the following paragraph:

<floriferous [at] msn.com> writes:
 
> In the outreach work I do I have met  a few folks that project all 
> kinds of
> things onto cohousing, and don't bother to even listen while I 
> explain that
> their fantasies are all wrong. They walk away convinced that they 
> know what
> they know and don't listen to any other perspective. These folks 
> would
> never, ever make it in a cohousing community, THANK GOD!  

They bought homes late in the process.  Their fantasies about what our
communty "should be" have stirred the pot, taught us all lessons on
generous listening, strained many of us to our wits end and fueled many
long discussions.  It is rigorous work, oftentimes draining to the point
of burnout (compassion fatigue).  Yet they are "making it in a cohousing
community".  Ours.  

After months of turmoil on a particular committee, one of these members
has finally moved microscopically to listen to another perspective other
than her own.  We have all learned a tremendous lesson concerning
personal boundaries and have set into place some interesting process
"rhythms" relating to taking care of our own feelings, not projecting
them onto others...the dangers of creating factions in the group in order
to prove oneself "right"...on and on.  The value of documentation on
consensed decisions;  the value of group approval before building
anything on common space.   The lessons continue.

These people do find their way into cohousing communities.  And we all
learn, and learn, and learn from them.  

coheartedly,
Patty Mara Gourley
Tierra Nueva, cen CA coast
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