Re: Boundaries of pathology: Removing a crazy person | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Sharon Villines (sharonsharonvillines.com) | |
Date: Fri, 3 May 2002 06:06:08 -0600 (MDT) |
> Groups really get > A therapist cohouser once told me that seriously > dysfunctional people leave behind them a trail of unhappiness which could be > healed if people knew what was going on and how to deal with it. > > I have heard of more than a dozen situations in cohousing groups where > extreme behaviors indicated a seriously dysfunctional person. In almost all > of them, that person was eventually removed from the group. The continuum between idiosyncratic and seriously dysfunctional is a long one and every group takes its place in each section of the continuum. What is dysfunctional in a student lounge is not the same as dysfunctional on a corporate board (at least "it used to be"). In a living community, ideally each person's unique contribution can be used effectively rather than allowed to disrupt or render inoperable systems that they can't manage well. I find it of great benefit when I drop my notions of all people being, acting, and treated as if they were equal. None of us are. Equal is identical. We have equal opportunity, not equal interests or abilities or means. I saw one example of this in a small town in Idaho. The community was about 4 square blocks of town center with surrounding desert and mountain ranch land. There was one young man who had been seriously retarded from birth and not only lived happily in the community, coming and going as he pleased, but also had a job. He mowed all the lawns, on a regular schedule, mowing as much as he could get done in 3-4 hours a day. He received one dollar each day and went to the drugstore to buy a coke. After dinner, he went to the movies where he had popcorn and a soda and sat in the middle seat of the front row. He lived with his brother's family, his parents having died. Everyone knew him, they all treated him with grace and affection, he was not expected to go to school where he would have learned nothing from being mainstreamed or put in special education. And been teased for being odd. He kept his money under his mattress. When it reached a crucial sum, his brother put it in the bank, saving for a day when he needed more care than the community could give him. I know this is long, but a lovely story is that one day he suddenly started charging one dollar and one nickel for lawn mowing. After much questioning, it was discovered that he had figured out that if he used the nickel to buy a coke at the drugstore, he wouldn't have to break a dollar. Without the stress of being expected to attend meetings, serve on the board, and learn more than he wanted to know, he functioned very nicely and was an asset to the community. Disruptive dysfunction can mean the need to remove someone from the community but perhaps only some aspects of the community. Helping people find their own unique place in the community may be much more beneficial. Where do people go when they leave community? Do we just pass on the problem? Understanding and adapting goes a long way toward fixing problems. Sharon -- Sharon Villines Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC http://www.takomavillage.org _______________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list Cohousing-L [at] cohousing.org Unsubscribe and other info: http://www.communityforum.net/mailman/listinfo/cohousing-l
- RE: Managing Outbursts in Meetings, (continued)
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RE: Managing Outbursts in Meetings Rob Sandelin, April 14 2002
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Re: Managing Outbursts in Meetings Sharon Villines, April 15 2002
- Re: Managing Outbursts in Meetings Howard Landman, April 16 2002
- Boundaries of pathology: Removing a crazy person Rob Sandelin, April 18 2002
- Re: Boundaries of pathology: Removing a crazy person Sharon Villines, May 3 2002
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Re: Managing Outbursts in Meetings Sharon Villines, April 15 2002
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RE: Managing Outbursts in Meetings Rob Sandelin, April 14 2002
- Re: Managing Outbursts in Meetings Sharon Villines, April 16 2002
- Re: Managing Outbursts in Meetings Sheila Braun, April 14 2002
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