Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Silencing the uncomfortable truth

[Elizabeth Stevenson (tamgoddess]

I know, Racheli, I know. You are right of course, and more grown-up than I.
But I can't imagine that I will ever silence certain people. I can, however,
be certain that others have been silenced, because they write to me and tell
me so.

I do take your point, and normally agree with you. But nobody has said they
disagree with me *because* I've been so strident.  I guess at this point,
what I'm trying to say is that I can't change the minds of those whose are
made up, but to let people know that silence doesn't mean everyone agrees.
In that way, it's different from other worldly conflicts. If I were
negotiating for peace, I wouldn't use the same methods at all. I think this
list could use a little less peace. Yes, I'm in the minority. But does that
mean I'm wrong? Isn't there a time to protest?

Sorry-this won't be another long post!

Liz

> From: racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com (Racheli Gai)

> 
> Hi Liz,
> I think that something that you might not perceive is that your way of
> expressing yourself, at those times when you "let loose"  silences some
> people, too.  
> I read in your post the implicit idea that if we are not ready to be
> offensive (or at least quite aggressive), we can't possibly care about
> social justice.  Well, I DO care, and I don't only  "care" - I work for
> it.  
> For me, HOW I work for something is just as important as what it is that I
> work for: In order to make a connection with people, one needs to discuss
> things in ways which
> hopefully allows them to hear.  If I come across as judgmental, it helps
> people on the "other side" feel defensive and shut down, so that no
> dialogue can take place.  In which case, whatever one says doesn't really
> count, does it?  I think that the less judgmental attitudes we bring with
> us, the more we are able to understand where other people are coming from.
> We might still disagree,
> perhaps even PASSIONATELY disagree about important things, but if we made
> some kind of a connection (and if we allow for the  possibility that we,
> too, might be wrong, or might have something to learn even from those we
> disagree with) - then perhaps the other side might also hear us?
> 
> Coming from the Middle East, I know that it's easy to demonize the other
> side, and that this will NEVER bring about peace OR Justice. I don't think
> this is unique to the Middle East :)
> 
> All the above isn't to say that what you expressed doesn't contain some
> important truths (IMO), it's to say that I think that you sometimes  go
> about getting people to see it in the wrong way.
> 
> It's email, where controlling "tone" is difficult, and I might come across
> as preachy, which isn't my intent.  I'm just trying to convey something
> which is very important to me, and I'm not sure how to do it without
> sounding like I'm on the soap-box...
> 
> R.

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