Cohousing-L Mailing List: The difference between "quiet" and "peace"

[Racheli Gai (racheli]

If it's true that people don't write because they're intimidated, then
what we've got is, at best, the *appearance* of peace, but not the real
thing.  For true peace to exist, people should feel free to express their
views without fear of being put down or attacked. When I try to imagine a
peaceful list, what I see is a list where variety of  exchanges take
place, including fierce and passionate arguments which are carried out in
respectful and sensitive fashion.
One list I'm on, a radical unschooling list, is the closest to that ideal
(at least part of the time).  It isn't always that way - because being
peaceful is a very hard work, and learning to be that way is a lifelong
process. Most of us fall short of the ideal...

R.
   

>I know, Racheli, I know. You are right of course, and more grown-up than
>I. But I can't imagine that I will ever silence certain people. I can,
>however, be certain that others have been silenced, because they write to
>me and tell me so.

>I do take your point, and normally agree with you. But nobody has said
>they disagree with me *because* I've been so strident.  I guess at this
>point, what I'm trying to say is that I can't change the minds of those
>whose are made up, but to let people know that silence doesn't mean
>everyone agrees. In that way, it's different from other worldly
>conflicts. If I were negotiating for peace, I wouldn't use the same
>methods at all. I think this list could use a little less peace. Yes, I'm
>in the minority. But does that mean I'm wrong? Isn't there a time to
>protest?

>Sorry-this won't be another long post!

>Liz

>> From: racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com (Racheli Gai)

>> 
>> Hi Liz,
>> I think that something that you might not perceive is that your way of
>> expressing yourself, at those times when you "let loose"  silences some
>> people, too.  
>> I read in your post the implicit idea that if we are not ready to be
>> offensive (or at least quite aggressive), we can't possibly care about
>> social justice.  Well, I DO care, and I don't only  "care" - I work for
>> it.  
>> For me, HOW I work for something is just as important as what it is that I
>> work for: In order to make a connection with people, one needs to discuss
>> things in ways which
>> hopefully allows them to hear.  If I come across as judgmental, it helps
>> people on the "other side" feel defensive and shut down, so that no
>> dialogue can take place.  In which case, whatever one says doesn't really
>> count, does it?  I think that the less judgmental attitudes we bring with
>> us, the more we are able to understand where other people are coming from.
>> We might still disagree,
>> perhaps even PASSIONATELY disagree about important things, but if we made
>> some kind of a connection (and if we allow for the  possibility that we,
>> too, might be wrong, or might have something to learn even from those we
>> disagree with) - then perhaps the other side might also hear us?
>> 
>> Coming from the Middle East, I know that it's easy to demonize the other
>> side, and that this will NEVER bring about peace OR Justice. I don't think
>> this is unique to the Middle East :)
>> 
>> All the above isn't to say that what you expressed doesn't contain some
>> important truths (IMO), it's to say that I think that you sometimes  go
>> about getting people to see it in the wrong way.
>> 
>> It's email, where controlling "tone" is difficult, and I might come across
>> as preachy, which isn't my intent.  I'm just trying to convey something
>> which is very important to me, and I'm not sure how to do it without
>> sounding like I'm on the soap-box...
>> 
>> R.

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-- 
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racheli [at] sonoracohousing.com (Racheli Gai)
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