Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Yelling and running, was Re: [C-L]_Noise in Common House

[Elizabeth Stevenson (tamgoddess]

I sympathize with both sides on this issue. It is always a delicate balance
when parents and non-parents discuss an issue regarding children, and both
sides need to, uh, tread lightly.

Maybe our modestly-sized common house is simply too small for anyone to deny
that it's important for children to behave differently inside than outside.
But any preschool teacher will tell you that children can be trained to use
"inside voices" with a little consistency and determination.

One of the practical things I learned in parent participation nursery school
is that you use positive statements to get children to do things.
Preschoolers don't distinguish between positive and negative statements. So,
for instance, "Don't run!" is interpreted the same as "Run!" Not very
effective, huh? But if you tell the same child "Walk!"  and "Inside voices,
please" instead of "don't run" and "don't yell," it's much more effective.

Perhaps you could ally yourself with a parent of a young child who doesn't
feel that all this running and yelling is unavoidable. If you could help
that child learn to do this, while others are watching, it might be an
effective way to get your point across. You could figure out different
logistics, but you get my point.

If it helps to hear it from another experienced parent, feel free to hand
this email to anyone who needs convincing. My own son, who is now 12,
learned to do this, even though he has difficulties with social situations.
If he can learn this, any typical child can.

Good luck,

-- 
Liz Stevenson
Southside Park Cohousing
Sacramento, California
tamgoddess [at] comcast.net
> From: Mabel Liang <mabel [at] twomeeps.com>
> Reply-To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Date: Sat, 04 Oct 2003 09:27:13 -0400
> To: cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org
> Subject: Yelling and running, was Re: [C-L]_Noise in Common House
> 
> 
> In our group, we have a number of parents who think it is impractical to
> expect that young children (say, toddlers) will not yell and run.  I am
> personally baffled by the reasoning, but I think the general idea is that
> you can't expect children that young to understand or follow these rules.
> And the parents are unwilling to stop this behavior.  So we have no such
> rules.
> 
> One of the worst areas is our open stairwell.  Running up and down the
> stairs and through the hallways playing tag seems to be a favorite activity
> at times.
> 
> I'd be curious to hear about the experiences in other cohousing communities
> with this issue.  As a non-parent, my opinion on the issue doesn't seem to
> carry much weight.
> 
> (My husband and I were the only non-parents on the Kids Committee.  At some
> point the parents felt that the committee dealt too much with complaints
> about issues related to kids, and this wasn't what they wanted to do in a
> committee.  So the committee fell apart.)
> 
> -- Mabel :-)
> 
> Mabel Liang
> Cornerstone VIllage Cohousing
> North Cambridge, MA
> 
> At 01:18 PM 10/3/03 -0400, Sharon Villines wrote:
> 
> <snip>
> 
>> Even with thousands of dollars what helps best is the expectation that
>> people do not yell or run in the commonhouse. Running seems to bring on
>> yelling. Adults also need to be reminded of this since adults playing with
>> children seem to think running is a cool thing to do.
>> 
> 
> <snip>
> 
> Mabel Liang
> mabel [at] twomeeps.com
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