RE: Non-participants in community | <– Date –> <– Thread –> |
From: Alexander Robin A (alexande.robiuwlax.edu) | |
Date: Fri, 21 May 2004 15:44:46 -0700 (PDT) |
Nicely thought out post - thanks. Robin Alexander Eno Commons alexande.robi [at] uwlax.edu -----Original Message----- From: cohousing-l-bounces+alexande.robi=uwlax.edu [at] cohousing.org [mailto:cohousing-l-bounces+alexande.robi=uwlax.edu [at] cohousing.org] On Behalf Of Rob Sandelin Sent: Friday, May 21, 2004 5:05 PM To: Developing cohousing - collaborative housing communities Subject: [C-L]_ Non-participants in community I changed the title of the thread from work agreements to non-participants to respond to Rachel's question about what about people who don't do squat. In my experiences, cohousing has a larger percentage of people who are on the low end of the contribution scale than other kinds of community. I think this is inherent in the functional structure of cohousing. There legally are limited requirements because if the requirements become too great, the banks may not give mortgages. So for example you can not require a mortgage holder to attend monthly association meetings, such meetings are voluntary. Nor can you require a mortgage holder to do x hours of work. So all such agreements are local, and have to be. In many families, holding a mortgage requires two incomes. Add kids to that mix and you have people who are being asked to spend time with their kids, or do some community task. Add other complexities like ex-spouses, family illness, etc. and there can be real limits to how much a family will give to community. I once met a classic case, a cohousing couple who both worked as teachers, had two kids, the mother-in-law was sick with cancer, and one of the kids got sick with some kind of illness, the other had problems in school. One got home at 6-7 at night, the other, had to pick up the kids from after school care, deal with chores, doctor office stuff, etc. On weekends they were supporting the sick family member and trying to find a bit of time as a family. They were outraged that their group demanded they put in 8 hours of community time a week! From their perspective, they got no support from the community, and eventually they moved out. It is not uncommon in my experience for couples to go two ways, one person does community work and is interested and excited, the other person is less so or not at all. So one person in a family carries most the community work and social connections. Finally in my experience, over a five year period, people who are least involved tend to move on over time. They get little out of living in community so why put up with what can be seen as restrictions and hassles? The less involved you are, the less social support you get, which is a key element in most peoples personal satisfaction of living in community. Its harder to gather energy and caring for somebody who does little and who you know hardly at all. One couple here had a baby and got tons of meals, help with household chores, gifts, and other support. Another couple got a couple frozen dinners. The difference is that one couple is very involved, the other, almost strangers. I just heard that the latter couple plan on moving out next month. Some people go into hiding, after having their feelings hurt, or feeling attacked or for other social reasons. If your group pays attention to who shows up, sudden changes can reflect communication or other problems that might be worth working on. However, most cohousing groups do not do this. Its a boundary issue, we don't do personal or group work of this kind, we don't have time to do this kind of observation and support for people. There are patterns to all of these which can be observed and talked about and understood. And once you understand the situation you can adapt and adjust expectations and requirements if you care to. Rob Sandelin South Snohomish County at the headwaters of Ricci Creek Sky Valley Environments <http://www.nonprofitpages.com/nica/SVE.htm> Field skills training for student naturalists Floriferous [at] msn.com _________________________________________________________________ Cohousing-L mailing list -- Unsubscribe, archives and other info at: http://www.cohousing.org/cohousing-L/
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Re: Non-participants in community Rob Sandelin, May 21 2004
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Saoirse Saoirse, May 21 2004
- Re: Saoirse Stephen Waters, May 22 2004
- RE: Non-participants in community Alexander Robin A, May 21 2004
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Saoirse Saoirse, May 21 2004
- RE: Non-participants in community David Heimann, May 22 2004
- Re: Non-participants in community LScottr2go, May 22 2004
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