Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: The politics of cohousing

[Bonnie Fergusson (fergyb2]

Dear Matt,
   Difference in styles of communication and values
around verbal conflict are pretty common, in cohousing
groups as well as elsewhere in our culture.  Making a
decision to get emotionally close to people early on
would be my number one recommendation to you.   There
are "experts" in how to do this too.  You may find
yourself learning to value the ones who bug you most
after a while.  The thing about cohousing is it is a
project which is not only about the buildings, and the
rules.  The smaller, the closer the group and the
longer it hangs together and the more it experiences
sucesses in both problem solving and having fun, the
better it gets.  Even Joani, one of the top cool folk,
doesn't always get her way, or listened to with the
utmost respect, even when she's "right".  But somehow
what comes out of the long drawn out group process
works well most of the time.  Problems with different
levels of comfort with childrens noise and pet
disruptiveness are almost universal in cohousing
communities.  Parents will often feel threatened or
criticised by folk uncomfortable with their kids noise
(as a parent I can say it's partly because this
happens too often and gets to be a sore point, hard to
think about).  Ditto people and their pets.  The
process of getting the place built also teaches the
community how to work together and there is a learning
curve.  Assume you have things to learn as well as
teach and let go of control more and you may be
pleasantly surprised by the outcome.
                   Love,
                   Bonnie Fergusson
                   Swan's Market Cohousing
                   Oakland, CA


                
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