How committed is your group to diversity?
From: Diana Chung (ladididoyahoo.com)
Date: Thu, 14 Apr 2005 15:57:30 -0700 (PDT)
Hi All-

I've been looking at a lot of cohousing sites and everyone says
they're committed to a diverse group.  However, almost all the
groups are white, educated, and middle class (WEMs).  I'm not a
sociologist, but as a person of color, I'd like to ask some
tough questions in the form of scenarios.  These are BEYOND the
obvious ones (e.g. how do you recruit non English speakers, how
to you increase the number of affordable units).  I'll also put
in my answer.

1)  You're sitting at dinner with someone who doesn't speak
English as her first language.  You're struggling to have a
conversation, when another person who speaks her native tongue
sits down next to you.  Suddenly, the two of them start chatting
away.  What do you do?  How do you feel?

Answer:  If you've ever lived/visited somewhere where English
isn't the primary language, you've probably gravitated towards
someone who spoke English, even if you were studying a language
abroad.  It is exhausting not to speak your mother tongue, and
by the end of the day, most of us just want to eat in comfort. 
(This is true of many African Americans too, who get tired of
talking white.)  If you're committed to diversity, don't take it
as an insult or a snub if the other parties speak in a language
you don't understand.  Instead, make an effort to learn another
tongue; after all, as a WEM, you've spent the whole day
communicating in your mother tongue.  Why not try to put
yourself in someone else's shoes?

2)  You're having a group meeting and one family insists on
bringing their young children.  When you tell them that a
babysitter is available for a small fee, they tell you that they
don't think the costs make sense.  When you insist that children
cannot attend, only the father comes to the meetings.  What
should you do?

Answer:  In many non-WEM cultures, children are not excluded,
but readily accepted at all functions attended to by the family,
or at least by the women.  If some talk needs to take place
without children attending, the head of household (usually the
eldest male) will speak on everyone's behalf.  Frankly, I don't
think the male head can speak for all the family, especially
with regards to the needs of the children.  However, even if the
babysitting were free, many mothers may not feel comfortable
leaving their children with someone who looks/talk/acts
differently.  If group want to be fair, people should try to
allow children to attend.  Most adults can quickly learn to tune
out kids and children can learn to be quiet.  Otherwise, every
effort should take place to hire babysitters that are in the
same ethnic group as the attendees, perhaps even having an
extended family member (such as an abuela) do the babysitting.  
  Finally, if that doesn't work, arrange a women and children
only group, seperate from the men's group.  Many women will
speak more freely without the men there.

3)  You've moved into your cohousing.  You non-WEM neighbor
seems to have guests and relative over ALL the time.  They are
always fighting and always seem to be in the public space.  They
do karaoke all weekend!  What do you do?  

Answer:  WEMs are, by and large, quiet people.  My husband
(who's mostly WEM) used to think my family was always fighting
until he realized, that's just the volume and intensity of our
talk.  I find that most people, especially children, once they
join in on all the hububb, tend to enjoy it.  Even the shy ones
like looking at all the activity.  So instead of trying to block
all the people and noise and activity, join in.  If not, build
your private spaces with extra acoustic insulation and extend
the transition space from public to private.

There are many people, including people of color, who will read
this and claim this is only my opinion.  They're right. 
However, that doesn't mean this discussion isn't important.  In
fact, any cohousing group that don't process these and/or other
such scenarios really haven't done the work of exploring
diversity.  These WEMs are "committed to diversity" in name only
and I suspect their membership will reflect that.  

Diana Chung
130 E. San Fernando St #509
San Jose, CA 95112
503-752-3938  
ladidido [at] yahoo.com


                
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