Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Cohousing-L Digest, Vol 26, Issue 22

[Mary English (Mary.English]

 Re: Not Enough Privacy in Cohousing?
 
In our community I do feel lack of boundaries about privacy has been a
problem.
 
Early on,  a member wanted in the agenda of an ACM (all community
meeting) a proposal that insisted that her soon to be ex-husband not be
allowed on the property even to visit other friends living there, and
wanting to discuss the liaison he was having with another community
member.  I was very uncomfortable with the request for the community to
take sides in a private matter, and objected to the request. 
 
A month or so ago, a community member sent out emails to all other
members, on the morning of an ACM, about the communities need to step in
and take over the affairs of a community member separated from her
husband.  Their idea was that for her own good, the community should
take a variety of steps, including making her stop seeing him, not
allowing him on the property, and not allowing him to purchase a home in
the community.  The facilitator of the ACM said the agenda needed to be
set aside so the community could discuss this  unasked for intrusion
into her private life. The member that wrote the email was not present
and  the member under discussion had not even seen a copy of the email.

 
I stated that it was completely inappropriate  for the community to
involve themselves and walked out of the ACM. The discussion proceeded
without me, with most  present taking turns playing Dr Phil, despite any
training in therapy.
 
So, not enough privacy? I would have to say yes,  in this community, I
feel that is a problem.
Mary English