Cohousing-L Mailing List: Dealing with personal problems

[Rob Sandelin (floriferous]

I am sure that there are people with mental illness in cohousing groups, I
have met a few, and had some as neighbors. There are levels of dysfunction
in all of us in some way or another. Looking at these dysfunctional aspects
of ourselves is at best uncomfortable, and sometimes scary. There is an
interesting boundary between group accountability for your actions and
encounter group work. In some cases, people in cohousing WANT there to be
encounter group work, and this can cause a conflict as many people who move
into cohousing did not sign up for this kind of commitment. However, small
groups can do this within the larger group quite successfully. At
Sharingwood we hold sharing circles, where people show up to talk openly and
honestly about themselves, their issues, their hopes, fears and problems.
This group is facilitated by someone with experience in this sort of thing
and it has brought great results for those involved. Those who choose not to
be involved also get secondary benefits as people gain understanding of each
other and have a safe place to reflect. 

A person who once lived here and then moved out said, Oh my god, this place
is just one F%#@ing drama after another!.  And at that time, this was true,
we did go through a period of several personal crisis' and interpersonal
issues.  But it was a temporary spike and the normal level has only a few
dramas each year. One of the aspects of being a community is knowing about
your neighbors and what they are going through. This is both a blessing and
a curse. When you live outside of community, you have little knowledge of
the issues of your neighbors unless they make the 5 O'clock news. Personally
I have the patience and strength to be compassionate and understanding of
the dramas of my neighbors. Not everyone does, and that is OK, living in
community is not for everybody. 


Rob Sandelin, 16 year resident of
Sharingwood Community
Floriferous [at] msn.com
Writer, Naturalist  The Environmental Science School
Snohomish County, WA