Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Insecurity in Cohousing

[Caren Albercook (calbercook]

Hi David,
    I'm Caren Albercook and live in Sunward Cohousing
in Ann Arbor, MI.  We have roughed out a similar
pathway for handling conflicts, but haven't created
seperate steps to distinguish between internal and
external resolution (we engage the person with the
needed skills who's available.)  It may be due to
there being 3 cohousing groups in town or it may be
that we can learn something from you.  Would you and
your community be comfortable with sending me a copy
of your policy/ pathway?  I'd appreciate it, if you
can.  Thanks,  Caren
 
--- David Heimann <heimann [at] theworld.com> wrote:

> 
> Hi Norm,
> 
>       We have a conflict resolution procedure in our
> By-laws that goes 
> from private discussion, to our internal Conflict
> Prevention and 
> Resolution (CPR) Committee, to external mediation,
> to external 
> arbitration.  Do you have such procedures in your
> By-laws?  Especially if 
> you feel your financial and/or property-value
> situation is adversely 
> affected by what the committees or community is
> doing, you may want to 
> avail yourself of them.
> 
>       All the best!
> 
> Regards,
> David Heimann
> Jamaica Plain Cohousing
> 
> 
> Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:59:14 -0700
> From: "O3C11N6G" <normangauss [at] charter.net>
> Subject: [C-L]_ Insecurity in Cohousing
> To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
> Message-ID: <000b01c7fe03$122dfff0$c1aeb018@Anne>
> Content-Type: text/plain;     charset="iso-8859-1"
> 
> For somebody like me who needs a strong structure in
> which to
> live, the
> loosy-goosy way things are done around here is very
> unsettling.  I
> have been
> advised by some people in cohousing land to become a
> non-participant.  But knowing that departures from
> the
> assumed structure, especially when it comes to
> property
> management, makes me
> feel like the place is falling apart.
> 
> If I felt secure about the way this organization was
> managing the
> property,
> I would, indeed, become a non-participant.  However,
> when I see
> the
> following happen, I cannot comfortably remain
> distant.
> (1) changes implemented that I have not had enough
> time to discuss
> (2) refusal of the community to discuss a matter
> beyond their
> patience
> (3) property alteration proposals that are
> unnecessarily declared
> urgent and
> falsely declared in need quick approval
> (3) strong pressure to approve a proposal just
> because the people
> working on
> it deserve recognition for their effort
> (4) facilitators declaring closure and seeking
> consensus on a
> proposal prematurely in order to
> feel a sense of accomplishment, rather than have
> another meeting
> to
> reconsider and perhaps have a more sustainable
> agreement
> (5) feeling confused about a proposal because not
> enough
> explanatory
> material has been presented
> (6) not requiring proposal writers to write
> carefully prepared
> proposals
> with full documentation because it is too much of a
> burden on them
> to do the work
> 
>    Often I get such an overwhelming hostility to my
> requests for
> continuance,
> that I am threatened with deciding by vote instead
> of consensus.
> This is tantamount to saying, "to hell with you; if
> you don't like
> it, move
> out".  This is hardly the philosphy promoted in the
> agreements we
> signed
> when we became members.
> 
> I attend all Board meetings and have a chance to
> evaluate whether
> the Board
> is working to my satisfaction.  For the most part,
> they are doing
> a good
> job on the small details.  It's the business
> meetings of the whole
> community where personal goals
> seem to outweigh community concerns.  Here, major
> proposals are
> presented and decided on in community meetings, but
> requiring the
> Board to examine and ratify the decisions.  In all
> occasions where
> I have seen the Board in action, not once has any
> time been spent
> on examining the consensed proposals from a
> fiduciary viewpoint.
> The Board is required by law to act as a fiduciary,
> but they often
> rubber-stamp proposals sent their way.  Often, they
> are so tired
> of hearing about these proposals, especially the
> more
> conterversial ones,  they just want to get on with
> their work and
> not delay any longer.
> 
> I would like to remain distant.  But I frequently
> feel insecure
> about what
> everybody is deciding if I have not taken part in
> the decision
> making
> process.
> 
> Norm Gauss
> 
> 
>
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