Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Insecurity in Cohousing

[HariNam Elliott (hariname]

David--Thanks for this idea /model for conflict resolution; I live in Sonora
co housing in Tucson and our community is just setting up a "heart
committee".  I think that it would be interesting in proposing further steps
for when internal mediation/listening does not help.  Would you be willing
to forward me a copy of the portion of your By-Laws that relate to the
subject?  Thanks!  Hari Nam Elliott

On 9/24/07, David Heimann <heimann [at] theworld.com> wrote:
>
>
> Hi Norm,
>
>         We have a conflict resolution procedure in our By-laws that goes
> from private discussion, to our internal Conflict Prevention and
> Resolution (CPR) Committee, to external mediation, to external
> arbitration.  Do you have such procedures in your By-laws?  Especially if
> you feel your financial and/or property-value situation is adversely
> affected by what the committees or community is doing, you may want to
> avail yourself of them.
>
>         All the best!
>
> Regards,
> David Heimann
> Jamaica Plain Cohousing
>
>
> Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:59:14 -0700
> From: "O3C11N6G" <normangauss [at] charter.net>
> Subject: [C-L]_ Insecurity in Cohousing
> To: "Cohousing-L" <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
> Message-ID: <000b01c7fe03$122dfff0$c1aeb018@Anne>
> Content-Type: text/plain;       charset="iso-8859-1"
>
> For somebody like me who needs a strong structure in which to
> live, the
> loosy-goosy way things are done around here is very unsettling.  I
> have been
> advised by some people in cohousing land to become a
> non-participant.  But knowing that departures from the
> assumed structure, especially when it comes to property
> management, makes me
> feel like the place is falling apart.
>
> If I felt secure about the way this organization was managing the
> property,
> I would, indeed, become a non-participant.  However, when I see
> the
> following happen, I cannot comfortably remain distant.
> (1) changes implemented that I have not had enough time to discuss
> (2) refusal of the community to discuss a matter beyond their
> patience
> (3) property alteration proposals that are unnecessarily declared
> urgent and
> falsely declared in need quick approval
> (3) strong pressure to approve a proposal just because the people
> working on
> it deserve recognition for their effort
> (4) facilitators declaring closure and seeking consensus on a
> proposal prematurely in order to
> feel a sense of accomplishment, rather than have another meeting
> to
> reconsider and perhaps have a more sustainable agreement
> (5) feeling confused about a proposal because not enough
> explanatory
> material has been presented
> (6) not requiring proposal writers to write carefully prepared
> proposals
> with full documentation because it is too much of a burden on them
> to do the work
>
>    Often I get such an overwhelming hostility to my requests for
> continuance,
> that I am threatened with deciding by vote instead of consensus.
> This is tantamount to saying, "to hell with you; if you don't like
> it, move
> out".  This is hardly the philosphy promoted in the agreements we
> signed
> when we became members.
>
> I attend all Board meetings and have a chance to evaluate whether
> the Board
> is working to my satisfaction.  For the most part, they are doing
> a good
> job on the small details.  It's the business meetings of the whole
> community where personal goals
> seem to outweigh community concerns.  Here, major proposals are
> presented and decided on in community meetings, but requiring the
> Board to examine and ratify the decisions.  In all occasions where
> I have seen the Board in action, not once has any time been spent
> on examining the consensed proposals from a fiduciary viewpoint.
> The Board is required by law to act as a fiduciary, but they often
> rubber-stamp proposals sent their way.  Often, they are so tired
> of hearing about these proposals, especially the more
> conterversial ones,  they just want to get on with their work and
> not delay any longer.
>
> I would like to remain distant.  But I frequently feel insecure
> about what
> everybody is deciding if I have not taken part in the decision
> making
> process.
>
> Norm Gauss
>
>
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