Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Call for journalist interviewing cohousers

[Lautner, Patricia (Patricia.Lautner]

"Would you expand on the gender dynamics in cohousing? Your comment is 
fascinating to me -- I'd love to try living in a cohousing community but my 
wife has no interest in it. That said, I have no firsthand experience with any 
actual cohousing communities. I guess I'd never thought to ask whether there 
are significant differences in how men and women approach it."
I've been involved with JPCohousing for about 10 years and the men/women ratio 
feels very even - although I haven't studied the numbers exactly.  We have 7 
households of men who live alone (out of 30) and the rest are couples and 
single women.  Of the man/woman couples, the men are very involved.
I did want to point out though that I believe there is room in cohousing for 
couples when one of the pair is not 'into it' and the other is.  In an 
introvert/extravert relationship (where one prefers to be a homebody and not 
participate much for example) I've found that cohousing could be good for that 
relationship.  For example: often an extravert wants to go out and the 
introvert needs to push themselves to agree - causing a dynamic that might 
sometimes frustrate both parties.  In cohousing, the extravert need only walk 
to the commonhouse, get their "people-noise-activity" needs met and be home 
before nightfall.  The introvert feels like they are doing their quiet home 
thing without holding their partner back.  This ends up being good for both 
parties.  But besides the intro/extra example - if the community is large 
enough so that the work can get met without a strain, it's possible in a 
household to have 1 adult barely participate at all. We've found that in some 
of our couples, 1 person does the bulk of the community work and participation. 
 This has worked out fine.  I really believe that both parties don't have to 
really be 'into it' - although it's nice when that does happen.
-Patti
JPCohousing, Boston