Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Millenials and Housing

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Oct 25, 2015, at 8:53 AM, Crystal Farmer <crystalbyrdfarmer [at] 
> gmail.com> wrote:

> ... There is a natural tension between parents and children (establishing
> independence) but a natural comfort between grandparents and children
> (?sharing a common enemy?) that helps three-generation living arrangements
> work well.

It can cause problems, however, if the parent is jealous of the relationship or 
feels excluded. And it is hard to decide what should be shared with a parent 
and what not to.

There have also been examples cited of parents wanting more direct influence 
and time with their children than cohousing their communities offer when 
children are abundant. The children want to be with other children and develop 
their group expectations.

Not reasons not to do it; just things to watch out for.

A story of my 80-something aunt and her high school companion. My aunt had had 
a stroke and needed someone to come in daily to help with light housekeeping 
and some food preparation. The young woman wrote a wonderful essay on the 
experience for her junior college application.

She found it delighting that when she arrived each day, my aunt would want to 
know what happened with all her friends — who was gossiping about others and 
how everyone was treating each other. What had they done over the weekend? How 
was the prom. Stuff her parents either didn’t ask or she wouldn’t have told 
them. Her boyfriend came over to help with the computer and other technology 
and some shopping. 

They had dinner together. Always with candles. My aunt would tell them stories 
about all the exotic places she had lived or visited. The list of those is long 
including Nigeria, Europe, New Jersey, China, Oklahoma, Hawaii, Israel, and 
Egypt where she dressed up like Lawrence of Arabia and rode camels. 4 husbands. 
One child living, one still born, one given up for adoption in the cruel 1950s. 
At least three very successful careers. The young woman had never been out of 
Oklahoma and was fascinated.

The young woman began her essay by saying that she had wanted to do something 
more interesting than working at McDonalds, so she took a job with "an 
eccentric old lady.” My aunt loved it.

The same opportunities are available in cohousing, for even younger children 
who can just walk across the green. I have a list of tasks and games and toys 
for those who come to my door. They dig out things that have fallen to the back 
of a cupboard, find the slot for the wrench that fixes the disposal, and clean 
the trap in my washing machine. Unwrap the Costco super-sized toilet paper and 
put it away. After a few months of feeling empty-nest syndrome as the last 
batch aged out, I now have a new batch of 1-6 year olds to adjust to. Just last 
week I bought a new bag of Vegetable Ice Cream,” frozen corn served in a dixie 
cup. They used to come to the door asking if I had any today.

Sharon
----
Sharon Villines

“The way you become world-class is by asking good questions.” — Tim Ferriss