Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: enforcement of cohousing rules and community listserv

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Nov 7, 2015, at 4:16 AM, Martha Wagner wrote:
>> 
>> ... how your community and others establish listserv guidelines and find 
>> someone willing to take on an enforcement role for that.
>> 
> The posting rule for our listserv is straightforward:   The listserv is not 
> for discussion.  Period.  

We have members who would prefer this rule. Others (like me) who believe that 
email communication and discussion is more inclusive than face-to-face, more 
timely, more available on a 24/7 basis.

I see no reason to impose rules that are any more restrictive than rules 
governing face-to-face discussions.

> knowing the real damage to relationships when online conversation turns to 
> quarreling, not to mention cloaked snide comments.

While certainly people have posted things that were hurtful, I can remember far 
more hurtful things said face-to-face. People can admonish and correct online 
just as easily — or not so easily but no different — than they can in person. 
And I want to hear how people are feeling no matter the context. I can’t talk 
to 70 adults on a face-to-face basis. And people are quite free (and do) tell 
me when I’ve posted something that is short-sighted and intentionally or 
unintentionally rude. 

Some have said that there is more possibility of misinterpreting tone on email, 
but this can also be corrected. I moderate a list of several hundred people for 
whom English is not always the first language. I regularly remind readers that 
words used may seem to be insulting or critical but are not meant to be. People 
may be using the only English words they know with no awareness of their 
connotations. Always confirm before you respond to a seemingly negative 
characterization. Ignore the tone and respond to the content. (One of the 
leaders in sociocracy says that sociocratic methods are intended to move 
decision-making to content, not personalities.)

On another list of almost 3,000 I remind (and teach) people to state their own 
opinions in factual terms and not in characterizations of the opinions of 
others. “That’s  stupid idea” is not the same as “That idea doesn’t take into 
account the information that…"

One advantage or disadvantage of email is that some people are more fluid 
writers. It’s an easier form of communication for them. Some people are deluged 
with more email than others. Some receive very little so don’t read often. Some 
are shy in writing. Some prefer to write and don’t speak up in meetings. Others 
only speak up to a personal friend. Others speak everywhere. 

Some people have email buddies who tell them if there is anything they need to 
know, and they join in when they want to.

I think making all forms of communication available, and reminding people 
individually when they are outliers, is better than restricting communications. 
A sociologist friend says that the first thing sociologists look for when 
identifying a community is a common means of communication. I think email is 
much more "in common" than a meeting.

I moderate our lists but it is only to help people get signed up, fix 
passwords, etc., and monitor membership (delete former residents). Technical 
stuff.

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org