Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Describing Diversity

[Mark Thompson (markithompson]

Carol, I’m so sorry you have had such a painful experience with 
co-housing.  I’m glad that you have chosen to stay in touch with the 
co-housing community as a whole through this email list.  By listening 
to you we all have much to gain.  You have wisdom, painfully gained, 
from your experience with the co-housing group to which you once 
belonged.  Unfortunately I am not surprised by your experience.  What 
does stand out, though, is that you were brave enough to take the chance 
the first time.
As a White man in the U.S. it is not possible for me to walk in the 
shoes of a Black person.  To understand the issues and why action needs 
to be taken we need to listen to the people of color.  Carol and Crystal 
have identified themselves, so it is their voices that I find myself 
listening to to determine how I will act.
The ambiguity of the question which lead to the formation of this 
discussion, “How does your community describe diversity in your 
community”, points to the problem.  Not being clear by what is meant by 
diversity is privilege that the White majority has.
Why does it matter how your community answers this question?  It 
matters, because we don't want anyone to join a community where several 
of the other members are terrified of them without any rational basis.  
Why be specific about race, especially Black and Native American?  I'm 
not going into detail about Native Americans, though.  Consider the 
following.
In the U.S there are several aspects of a person that are considered 
default.  Among these are White and Protestant.  According to the 2010 
US Census 12% of the citizenry identify as Black, 72% as White.  That 
means that about 3 out of every 4 people in the US are White, six times 
as many as are Black.  That is an overwhelming majority.  Imagine if 
three quarters of the populace were male. Women would constantly be 
reminded of this disparity, while men would only need notice at their 
convenience.  Being Black in the US is much more oppressive then the 
mere population distribution suggests.
My skin color, my speech, my friends, and my assumption of unearned 
privileges all mark me as White.  By being White, the default race, I 
almost never need to consider my race or how others will respond to 
their perception of my race.  By my reckoning my race has been a 
significant issue in my life about once a decade. Being non-White means 
being constantly aware of race.  You are noticed and judged by skin 
color everywhere you go.  Even when among people who look like you it is 
clear that you are in an enclave of relative safety by avoiding Whites.
Being Black means being assumed to be uneducated, ignorant, unskilled, 
and likely to be a criminal among other negative attributes, unless 
proven otherwise.  It also means you are more likely to be stopped by 
police, fined, arrested for minor offenses, prosecuted for perceived 
offenses, and found guilty for them.  By the most conservative estimates 
it also means you are three times more likely to be killed when 
encountering the police than those who are White.
Those are shoes I cannot walk in no matter how hard I might try. That 
doesn't mean I won't or shouldn't try.

Mark Thompson
Sharingwood in rural Western Washington

Note that I have pasted in Carol's 12:00 posting, but it wasn't part of 
what Tiffany was responding to.
mt

On 9/14/2016 12:09 PM, Tiffany Lee Brown wrote:
>
> Thank you for this concise and frank description. I'm white but am 
familiar with this dynamic. As a partially disabled person, I find both 
that most things are set up for the normally abled, sometimes to my 
exclusion... And that when my health issues are not so bad, I too 
immediately fall back into forgetting that folks with unusual 
disabilities may be intentionally or unintentionally excluded, to the 
point that they may give up trying to participate unless specifically 
asked and accommodated.
>
> And it often seems like (cis) men are the first to say that gender 
doesn't or shouldn't matter, just like it takes us whites a while to 
figure out that racial equality isn't just a matter of us ignoring race 
altogether. Many of us raised in the 70s and 80s were taught to think 
that way, with good intentions... It just isn't realistic and doesn't 
acknowledge systemic bias and what we now call "privilege".
>
> I know race and gender and relative abledness are not the same 
things, but sometimes privilege is enacted in similar ways across these 
realms...
>
>
> - Tiffany in Central Oregon
>
> Sent from the far shores of a distant land

On 9/14/2016 12:00 PM, carol collier wrote:

> I strongly agree with Crystal. My experience is you don't know where 
you stand if this is not stated. I made the mistake of joining a 
cohousing community where a number of the members were terrified of 
Black people. If you follow the news, you heard that 48% of Trump's 
followers think that Blacks are more violent than whites but so do 31% 
of Hillary's followers. I do know other Blacks who are fearful of 
joining cohousing communities because they fear they will be tolerated 
but not accepted. People of color do not get to live in this 
"colorblind" world that too many people believe exists post-Obama's 
election. I can tell you many a story about  my fellow doctors (in a 
liberal city) who believe that Blacks are inherently violent and 
intellectually inferior to whites.

>> On Sep 14, 2016, at 3:45 AM, Crystal Farmer 
<crystalbyrdfarmer [at] gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>
>> "But what is ?color?. The distinctions between people in terms of color
>> have nothing to do with white or non-white. Does anyone think of 
themselves
>> or their neighbors as non-white? Are any of us are white?"
>>
>> I find that people who are in the majority race-wise have the 
privilege of
>> ignoring their race. They are able to look at other markers of diversity
>> when it comes to housing or community. It's simply not the case for
>> non-white people. When I apply for a job, talk to a realtor, or even go
>> shopping, my race matters. When our cohousing group talks about 
diversity,
>> I want them to be clear that they welcome diverse people. And that means
>> saying, "we have non-white and gay people." It matters to me, and I 
think
>> other people of color would agree. It needs to be said out loud.
>>
>> Crystal Farmer
>> Charlotte Cohousing Community