Cohousing-L Mailing List: what I wish I knew before move in

[CJ Q (homeschoolvideo]

I've been thinking about this a lot. I don't remember who first posted it
but if you want, feel free to email me directly.
LIke many have said, the most important thing is working on consensus and
relationship skills.
I was so into cohousing from the minute I heard about it. I was ready to
live there forever. I had no idea how big a commitment that is to live with
other people. What if you don't have the same values? Sure, surface values
seem fine (like most are liberal) but core values of how you treat people.
What if there is one person or a few families that cause a lot of problems
and there is no accountability yet on what the community expectations are?
I wish I had rented and gotten to really know everyone first.  The pre
planning meetings were nice but trying to be at home and with people 24/7
is different.  I also later found out that the first 5 years of a new
community is tough as they learn to live together.  I had worked at schools
before but I didn't realize that when you go home, you want to relax, so
the conflict can make that rough at least until the other members, and
yourself, stop being so conflict averse.

There is privacy but you do get to know a lot about each other. What
happens if what you find is disturbing?  I thought real world wouldn't be
in cohousing- that domestic violence, alcoholism, and other issues wouldn't
be here (not saying they are, but examples of how there are families with
serious issues).  Without a strong group that can support those families,
or children, it can cause a lot of division in the neighborhood at least
until they become the ideal cohousing community which does not act like the
mainstream.

Plus, my children never were into it.  And other people's children didn't
really choose to be there either and they too have to adjust to other
neighbors and their values..  I also assumed others would have empathy for
kids with disabilities but that may not be the case.  And diversity is easy
to talk about but the truth is people tend to gravitate to people who think
like them and may not respect other socio economic age groups, or racial
ways of thinking.

-Carol
homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com
now trying to sell or rent out her coho house