Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: bullying help

[Muriel Kranowski (murielk]

"Bullying" is a very vague term. Perhaps you could get more relevant
resource recommendations if you could say something about what the bullying
consists of, without any actual identifying details.

Re the families with autistic kids leaving a community, we haven't had that
specifically, but I have seen a couple of families come in with unrealistic
expectations for how the community could help them with their very
challenging child, but we're not a therapeutic community and couldn't
become one for them. People are friendly and want to be helpful, but there
are some problems we cannot take on, at least not with success, and going
through that kind of experience can be very painful for everyone. I don't
know if that dynamic played a part in the instances you cited, but I would
not start by blaming the community without knowing quite a bit more about
the situations.

In fact I would generalize my previous paragraph to say I've seen people
come in with unrealistic expectations that "cohousing" = "will solve all of
my (fill-in-the-blank) problems". That's not our mission or our
responsibility, in my opinion.
   Muriel at Shadowlake Village

On Fri, Mar 25, 2022 at 10:40 AM CJ Q <homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi
> I've heard from someone who wants help. They are feeling bullied in their
> cohousing.  I'm wondering about some sort of resources and maybe a support
> group on a list serv or facebook or something.
>
> I took a class through FIC on power dynamics given by Round sky solutions
> group
> That's one resource.
> Does anyone have any others?
>
> I know mediators can help but there are limitations. Does the group buy in?
> Try to step in and help?  Some mediators are better than others with group
> dynamics for sure.
>
> Another issue I think is that there seems to be power dynamics over single
> parents (in some communities) and anyone who is neuro diverse.  I know of
> one community where two families with kids with autism moved out (not
> feeling supported or respected there), a man with possible neurodiversity
> only rented at that same community for a few months, and another woman who
> identifies as nuerodiverse is leaving with her family.  Maybe support and
> resources is needed for that too.
>
> Thanks for any input and I"m always available to listen and talk to anyone
> (even if you disagree with me). The lack of communication and leaning is
> causes more problems, from what I've seen.  And it's hard to find people to
> talk to in or outside your community if you seem to disagree with everyone
> else or feel targeted.
>
> Thanks,
> Carol
> homeschoolvideo [at] gmail.com
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