Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Helping Hands group

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Jul 23, 2022, at 12:42 PM, Alicia George <ajgeorge [at] earthlink.net> 
> wrote:
> 
> We have folks who coordinate what we call TLC @ TVC (where “TLC" stands for 
> Tender Loving Care and “TVC” is how we refer to Takoma Village Cohousing). We 
> have 43 households.
> 
> Those in charge of TLC @ TVC coordinate the provision of meals for families 
> with new babies and people who are recovering from an injury, serious 
> illness, or hospitalization. This is part of our effort to provide support to 
> one another, but also allows for the support to be orderly so four casserole 
> aren’t delivered on the same day. Lately we have been using the Meal Train 
> <https://www.mealtrain.com/> app for this.
> 
> Other needs (for a ride to an appointment, for childcare, for picking up a 
> prescription, etc.) are handled by the requestor posting a message on our 
> internal email list, to which many people usually respond. This cuts out the 
> middle man and allows for a quick response by those who are available at the 
> time needed.

In addition to the things Alicia lists we have also had a person who does the 
communications for people in crisis. It’s very hard to live with people who are 
suffering terminal cancer or a loved one has died or all the money earners in 
the household have lost their jobs. To have 60 people asking “Are you doing 
okay,” or “Is there anything I can do” is impossible. But to be one of the 60 
not knowing what is happening is also painful. The pain just radiates in 
silence affecting everyone. Their fears can be much worse than reality.

What has worked well is that one person is asked or given permission to be the 
information sharer. They may send out regular reports or just respond to 
questions. That keeps everyone at least up to date on factual information 
rather than walking around with unspoken anxiety.

This issue often raises the “right to privacy.” Once you live in community, the 
community lives with you. Whatever is affecting you is affecting everyone else. 
To close them off can be disabling. 

Even if details are not shared, a statement about what the issue is and how you 
want things handled is very helpful. "I have some bad test results and will 
have surgery next week. I won’t know anything until then, please don’t ask me. 
So-and-so will let everyone know a soon as I know.” “Please don’t mention this 
to my children. They know but don’t want to talk about it.” 

Sharon
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Sharon Villines
Takoma Village Cohousing, Washington DC
http://www.takomavillage.org