Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Concerns Over Individual Contact with External Professional

[Amy Hartman (amyehart]

I'd be curious to understand what's underneath this choice.  Even in adults, 
there is this powerful drive for individual autonomy that often kicks in when 
the group establishes a rule.  "They can't tell me who I can/can't talk to," 
says the inside voice.  Has this person made a commitment to the group and 
therefore explicitly agreed to be bound by the agreements of the group?   We 
all come with different levels of skill in working together; when things go 
sideways, this can be an opportunity to build skill in listening, understanding 
impact, and re-building agreement.  We'd love for agreement to be one-and-done, 
but it's usually iterative. AmyAmy Hartman
210-669-4672

---------- Original Message ----------
From: Fred H Olson <fholson [at] cohousing.org>
To: Cohousing-L mailing list <cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org>
Subject: [C-L]_ Concerns Over Individual Contact with External Professional
Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2023 15:16:49 -0600 (CST)

An anonymous subscriber
is the author of the message below.  It was posted by Fred of
the Cohousing-L management team <cohousing-l-owner [at] cohousing.org>
due to a sensitive topic.

--------------------  FORWARDED MESSAGE FOLLOWS --------------------

Hello,

What would you suggest is the best response to someone in your group who
refuses to take on committee leadership or other significant positions
within the committee, but who quietly communicates separately with the
builder?

The individual claims the conversations are innocent and had "nothing to do
with the group," and perhaps they are right.  But however innocent, the
concern is intent to develop a backchannel relationship where they can
influence in the background without working within the committee and
through the consensus process.

Do you believe that person's behavior undermines the sociocratic process or
building project management?  How would you respond and handle this?

During orientation, they were told there can be no separate contact between
individual members and the builder outside of committee access.
In the coming year, some of the leadership of the committees may well talk
to the developer separately-- as representatives of the committee and after
the committee collectively agrees to something.

What should be the response to this individual?

And if this person is not yet a long-term member of the group, would you
choose for them to be?  Does this behavior mean they will backchannel in
the future?

Thank you
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