Cohousing-L Mailing List: Graduating to Cohousing on Steroids

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

The reason I have been signing my posts with just “Sharon” is that I have moved 
out of Takoma Village Cohousing and into a senior community. Riderwood Village 
is literally cohousing on steroids. Everything that existed at Takoma Village 
exists at Riderwood. Diversity of all kinds, for example. 200+ groups including 
services to the community, services to a local elementary school, integration 
of programs with a community college, book discussions, library management. 
200+ is a lot and some are small or inactive. And the party planners do promise 
that their parties end at 9:30 unless otherwise appropriate (New Years Eve).

I began looking at a senior community 3 years ago because I could see the toll 
that caring for her father who had had a stroke was taking on my daughter. In 
the prime of her life, her fifties, when she had accomplished professional 
success and finanacial security so she could “retire” early and follow her 
dreams, she was spending days and weeks on the telephone or the train to 
supervise his 24/7 care. She was tense and sick and in no shape to even find 
out what her dreams might be.

Takoma Village was approaching its 25th anniversary and the founders who 
remained in the community, including myself, were slowing down and more 
frequently just not available to do the work of supporting the community. We 
were adding to the work because we required more attention or were unable to 
provide attention. For several years, someone had warmed a frozen dinner or 
brought a dinner to a person who could no longer manage his microwave. It was a 
quick task and those how took it on enjoyed both cooking and the conversation. 
Then a 92 year old began being disoriented, particularly at night. A visiting 
schedule was set up so someone visited her everyday to keep her connected. 
Those examples are just 2 of many. 

At the same time, the buildings were all requiring their 200,000 mile 
maintenance—the really big one of 20-25 years. These were major projects that 
required making decisions about things we knew nothing about. On top of having 
to hire large contractors to do the work, we had to hire engineers to analyze 
what we needed. The contract for replacing the balconies and decks was almost 4 
inches thick. We were no longer able to act as a group making facilities 
decisions by consensus because we knew very little about them. Consent focused 
on accepting a contract that seemed reasonable. It wasn’t like solar panels or 
insullation that many of us knew about. 

I gradually realized why other cohousing members had moved to senior 
communities in their 80s because they felt unable to contribute. They 
contributed a lot but they just didn’t have the energy to cope with thinking 
about the on and on of facilities management, orienting new residents to 
community values (which takes a lot of time and attention), and coping with 
their own lives and their adult children’s problems. It is a rude awakening to 
realize that those neat little families of 2 children would keep expanding into 
infinity until we had to have a calendar to remember birthdays which seemed to 
be happening weekly. 

My daughter’s stress level plummeted when I agreed to put down a deposit to 
reserve a space at Riderwood. I still had no intention of moving. Over the next 
3 years I considered what Riderwood was really like. The experiences that 
convinced me that it was a possible place to live were (1) whenever anyone 
referred to “the community” they included the staff in the number. “A community 
of 3,000+ people.” (2) They held a gay pride parade on campus that included 
staff and residents and posted pictures on the website. (3) The 200+ clubs are 
mostly “teams” who manage all the tasks that cohousers do for each other. 
Except manage maintenance and repair and cooking meals. 

Cohousing has a scale problem. At 40-50 units, it is very difficult to maintain 
the facilities in any other way than a monthly work day to clean and do small 
repairs. The more expensive the units become the more people have to work to 
pay for them. 

The “Neighbors in Deed” directory at Riderwood is 46 pages of names and numbers 
of residents who have offered services: walking pets, opening jars, changing 
batteries, hanging pictures, taking a photograph, sewing buttons, mending, 
shopping, resetting clocks, wrapping packages, wake up calls, closet cleaning, 
errands, help with technology.

Riderwood doesn’t stress it’s coninuing life care programs. It only admits 
people into independent living and most of the staff is focused on making 
independent living comfortable. Whatever I need, I call either "General 
Services" to fix things or a coordinator of a team/service for information or 
advice. Each door has a latch that someone sets late at night that flips up 
when the door is opened. Any latch not tripped by about noon means a knock on 
the door to be sure everyone is alright. They knocked on my door 4 times in the 
first month. I was opening my door at 1-2 am to trip the latch, but the staff 
had decided to set the latches at 3-4 am becuase many people were still coming 
home at midnight. 

All of the security staff are EMS certified. If soneone is not okay, they know 
what to do. “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” calls are responded to in 3-5 
minutes.

This is only part of what life is like here. People are very welcoming and 
friendly. People sitting next to each other talk to each other. It is literally 
cohousing on steroids. There are 4 residential buildings around a community 
building that is like a common house on sterioids — the wood shop is incredibly 
well stocked, 2 resturants (casual and finer dining), a front desk peopled 
24/7, a bar open a few hours a few days a week, a craft  room, a classroom, a 
laundry, a salon, a gym, etc. Garden plots—flowers or vegetables. 

This is why I said I’ve graduated from cohousing. I want to figure out how a 
community of 3,000 people manages to feel like a community when some are paid 
staff and others residents and others are very busy volunteers. The Resident 
Handbook is written by the Resident Coordinator’s team and is 150 pages. 
Somehow it manages to maintain a friendly suggestive tone instead of mandating 
rules. 

The residents also maintain a website of calendars, schedules, and email lists. 
I was here for 3 days without knowing about “Chatterwood” which is a general 
members list. It was a 3-day weekend and I really didn’t want to bother staff 
with newby questions or go around knocking on doors. All of which I could have 
done. But when I connected with an email list, I knew I was home. (There are 
also lists for ride sharing, politics, etc.) The topics are all the same as 
those on the Takoma Village members list.

One feature of having staff is there are many highschool and college students 
who are running around. Three staff members where just promoted to management 
positions who began 20 years ago as college students with scholarships. Gifts 
and tips from residents to staff are “not allowed” because some staff are less 
visible — they don’t want the bias. The discussion at lunch with 2 total 
strangers was how to give gifts without violating the rules to 2 workers who 
were graduating from college this month. They decided that if they went to the 
graduation, they would not be giving Riderwood service gifts. These were 
clearly friends.

So my plan is to continue writting about what cohousing could learn from other 
kinds of residential communities. Many things that people say only exist in 
cohousing is not true — many of them exist in traditional apartment buildings 
and certainly in condos. There are some areas where senior communities are 
behind cohousing and some that senior communities are ahead of cohousing.

Sorry this is so long but I knew none of these things a few years ago and they 
make the move understandable. Workshare is a continuing problem in cohousing 
and I don’t see any alernatives without a change in scale.

Sharon
——
Sharon Villines
Riderwood Village, Silver Spring MD