Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Safety Hazards and Parenting Expectations in Cohousing

[Sophie Rubin (yophiest]

Kathryn,

*Family community or senior community? *I can’t speak to experience in my
community specifically, but my gut reaction is that your Cohousing
community is acting extremely un-family-friendly.

So it depends what the goals of the community are. Communities tend toward
older folks in general these days, and it usually takes effort to keep
young families coming in. If your existing families with young children
feel alienated, they aren’t going to recommend to friends or other parents
to move there, and if families who are interested learn in the process of
considering moving there that there are community elements that are
maintained in a way that is essentially off-limits to children, you’re more
likely to end up with a naturally occurring retirement community (NORC).

If your community is split, which seems like it might be the case, then I
think in public or common spaces, it makes sense to follow guidance
provided by external parties. If your roof would be considered a code
violation, it should be fixed. If the bottle says “store out of reach of
children” then it should be.

*Liability issues: *Liability is a huge issue in American society and
courts have generally tended toward shared liability. That is, if you get
hurt, it's probably not just your fault. If you fall down someone else’s
steps because they were treacherous, it wasn’t just your fault for being
clumsy - the person who didn't fix the treacherous stairs is quite possibly
liable. If you, in your private back yard, have a pool that didn't have a
fence and you invited friends over and a kid drowned, then you with the
pool are at fault. And actually, I think it's possible even if you didn't
invite the kids, but they got in and drowned, you could be at fault (I
mention this just in case anyone in the community would take this example
and say "well just don't have kids over"). For a community - even if it
were a senior-only community - I would be worried about the liability
issue. ChatGPT (or other AI) might be a place to start to look for relevant
cases where communities were found liable for safety issues - although
obviously verify anything you search for.

I hate to hear that you're having this issue, and I hope others can also
chime in. Best of luck.

On Mon, Sep 22, 2025 at 07:56 Kathryn Lowry via Cohousing-L <
cohousing-l [at] cohousing.org> wrote:

> Hello Cohousing friends,
>
> I’d love to learn how other communities have approached a challenge we’re
> facing at Daybreak Cohousing.
>
> We have an accessible rooftop deck with a gate that separates the
> reinforced portion of the roof (intended for community use) from a
> non-reinforced portion that is unsafe. The gate is broken, and there’s
> debate about whether the solution is to repair the gate/barrier or to
> restrict children (and, in practice, families) from using the rooftop deck
> entirely.
>
> This has stirred up a larger tension we’ve felt in other contexts too:
>
>
>    -
>
>    Should safety hazards in common elements be addressed through structural
>    fixes and hazard mitigation?
>    -
>
>    Or should the responsibility fall primarily on parents to keep children
>    away, even when hazards are part of shared spaces?
>
> For example, our guidelines currently say “keep children away from
> [chemicals stored at floor level],” while product labels say “store out of
> reach of children.” It feels like the same dynamic with the roof: are we
> managing the hazard, or are we shifting responsibility onto parents?
>
> I’m reaching out to hear how your community has handled similar situations.
>
>
>    -
>
>    Have you faced tension between structural hazard mitigation and
>    parenting expectations?
>    -
>
>    What policies, practices, or cultural approaches have helped your
>    community find balance?
>    -
>
>    Have you found effective ways to keep the focus on shared stewardship
>    instead of individual parenting styles?
>
> Any stories, lessons learned, or even “what didn’t work” would be
> incredibly helpful.
>
>
> With gratitude,
>
> Kathryn Lowry
>
> Daybreak Cohousing, Portland OR
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