Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Mutual accountability in cohousing — a practical question

[Sharon Villines (sharon]

> On Dec 21, 2025, at 10:43 AM, Kathryn Lowry via Cohousing-L <cohousing-l [at] 
> cohousing.org> wrote:
> 
> Currently, ice melt has been placed in containers outside every unit for
> individual use. I have not raised concerns about foreseeable risks (such as
> children accessing it), because the community has a long history of
> asserting that failure to keep children away from products labeled “keep
> out of reach of children” is a supervision issue, not a matter of community
> safety or shared design.

At Takoma Village anything in common areas was expected to be child and proof 
and safe. Creating spaces that are dangerous to children cannot create a “child 
friendly” community. 

Never trust labels to protect anything. They can carry information—nothing more.

I think your community might need to do several rounds in which everyone talks 
about their needs and expectations. I say “several” because that gives time to 
form a community consensus. People hear each other and can change or modify 
their own thinking on the subject in the next round.

One sociocracy trainer I know says he does 2-3 rounds before he even poses a 
question. When people enter a meeting they are “as new” and need to reform as a 
group before making decisions.

> My questions are:

>   In cohousing, does mutual accountability mean parallel individual
>   responsibility, or shared accountability for the outcomes of collective
>   decisions about common spaces?
>    
>   How do communities prevent “collective responsibility” from becoming
>   individual blame when the group controls the system?

I think these questions are too focused as a starting place. This is what you 
can ask after the community has decided how child friendly it wants to be. It 
sounds like the community is not clear on that issue. It takes a village to 
raise a child particularly if you are living in a village.

I’ve done so much child caretaking of different kinds over almost 80 years that 
I can’t imagine that everyone doesn’t automatically see their role as 
protecting children from harm.

The problems here might be feelings in relation to parents and children. 
Setting rules won’t resolve feelings. The community needs to talk as one to 
sort this out.

Sharon
----
Sharon Villines
Riderwood Village, Silver Spring MD
Following 25 years in Takoma Village, Washington DC