Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Cohousing in Israel

[Jim Snyder-Grant (Jim_Snyder-Grant.LOTUS]

Bob & Ruth wrote:

In addition, we are wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom on 
what one does when someone joins the group who is inappropriate for 
the group but does not respond to "vibes" telling him/her that fact. 
We have been told that most groups end up being self-selecting, but 
we are concerned about the damage that an inappropriate person can do 
to a group. Ideas on "admission" and "de-admission" would be 
welcomed.

Jim's reply:

In New View, the early core group set relatively 'tight' membership boundaries, 
with a 'provisional' membership of three months which required the consent of 
the membership committee, and then a 'full' membership that required the 
consent of the whole group. Obviously, meetings where membership decisions were 
discussed were closed meetings. This gave a chance for people to discuss openly 
their sense of whether it was appropriate to bring someone in. 

Even provisional membership required a conversation with our banker to confirm 
that people could afford it.

A good side effect, in my opinion, is that we have had very few dropouts & high 
group cohesion. A bad side effect, I think, is that people have been turned 
away from the group without a lot of explanation or second chances.  But 
overall, I'm glad the group has been able to stay together so well over our 6 
year odyssey. I hear many of groups breaking up or shrinking drastically when 
financial realities or goals & values differences arise. New View has been very 
fortunate in that respect.

In your situation, if there already is someone in the group that others think 
is inappropriate, I have no elegant solution for you. We have a provision for 
removing members involuntarily once they are full members (before they sign a 
purchase & sale agreement on a house), but we have never had to use it. 
However, if this is just a concern now, you have time to discuss & implement 
some membership agreements that work for you.

We lose most of this elaborate protection once we move in, since we are 
organized as a condo. I can live with that: I think that sharing a neighborhood 
has more 'slack' in how much personal style variety can be sustained, as 
opposed to being a development project, where the shared risks & shared 
decisions loom much larger and faster.  

-Jim_Snyder-Grant [at] lotus.crd.com