Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: Nonparents and Parents in Cohousing

[Rob Sandelin (robsan]

John Gear asked:
>Do you encounter a bias towards/away from children in your community?

Oh yes, the children get lots of attention and budget for play things. 
Plus special events, outings etc.  They even have their own committee 
just to plan things for them.  Kid stuff is usually spread all over the 
road and on the commons.

>Are there tensions resulting from mixing families with kids in an unusually
>tight (for US) community with families without kids?

No.  The folks who prefer not to have kids around much, simply don't 
invite the kids over except when they want to.  The kids know the 
difference and seldom bother those folks much.  A couple of the elders 
who are not very interested in small kids get random hugs, like at 
birthdays and such.  Those who put more attention into kids tend to get 
more attention back.   The only  tension is at dinner when the kids are 
being rowdy and loud.  Our temporary commonhouse dining space is very 
crammed.  We will all be glad when the commonhouse is built and we can 
get a little more separation from the kids play area and the dining 
area and that should ease the noise problems.  I think the tolerance is 
maybe higher because of the temporary nature of the situation.  I guess 
if anyone who really didn't like kids at all and didn't want to be near 
them ever came out to Sharingwood, they would instantly self-select out 
of our community, as kids and their debris are a very prominent feature 
of our community.

>Is there a better way to handle it than to simply assume that families
>without kids have more time to cook (or whatever) for those with kids?

We make no allowances for cooking rotations between parents and 
non-parents  although what ends up happening is that couples end up 
cooking twice a month per family, whereas singles just cook once. Also 
it depends on your definition of family.  We have a single mom who 
tends to get a break. She doesn't have to ask for it, we just do stuff 
for her when we can.  That's what community means, at least in our 
neighborhood.

Rob Sandelin
Sharingwood