Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: encouraging words

[David L. Mandel (75407.2361]

A couple reports to keep up spirits while the list server is down.

1) House exchanges

        Our budget didn't enable us to build official guest quarters in our
common space, but we're doing just as well through cooperation.
        A few weeks ago, a resident renter had a graduation party in the common
house after getting her MSW. We were all invited, of course, and so were a
number of friends and relatives from out of town. A good number of them stayed
the night in a couple of units whose regular residents were away or had extra
space to share. The friend and daughter of two members who share a one-bedroom
came for a few weeks -- they stayed with a single member who has a two-bedroom
unit. Then last weekend I benefited from the same generosity. Both my parents
and their respective partners showed up from Chicago for a family event. I
posted an inquiry and presto, three empty houses at our disposal for the
weekend. We made do with two. Coming soon, in August, we're going away for three
weeks and our house will be occupied by a member's daughter and grandson who are
moving back to Sacramento and will be looking for housing in the neighborhood
(another request for off-site membership on the way?). We gain too, because our
dog,  fish and garden get fed, watered and walked as needed and the house
doesn't have the vacant look that can invite trouble.
        The trend may be going intercommunal, too. We've had a number of
out-of-town cohousers stay here, in one house or another, though that hardly
counts since we were the destination. But last month a Doyle Street cohousing
resident in Sacramento for an affordable housing conference (what else?)
arranged to stay here, and when he brought his boss along, we got use of a house
whose owner was away for the week. And this weekend my family will escape the
valley (109 last Sunday) and meet my mother and friend in the Bay area. We'll be
staying at Doyle St. for a night or two.
        The coolest thing about all this is that as far as I can tell, no one is
keeping count as to how much some people offer their homes and how much others
need extra space. I think people just figure it will all even out in the end, as
long as no one abuses the policy. And if it doesn't quite even out, we still get
to meet new people.

2) The following letter is pretty self-explanatory. It was posted at the common
house and is reprinted here with the author's permission. Capital letters are
where she underlined. Parentheses are mine to add explanation.

***

Hi -
        You may not remember me, but I've been "sick" all week long with a "sore
throat." My name's Liz. Actually "near death" or "suicidal" and "hot poker from
hell down my throat" would better describe it. About halfway through this week I
decided I would, WITHOUT RESERVATION, rather give birth to Ben (her wild
4-year-old) again than live through one more minute of this. And I mean AT HIS
PRESENT SIZE.
        Anyway, I got the most tremendous unsolicited help this week from so 
many
people, and want to thank everyone. NOMI (age 16) took care of Ben several times
this week and made it at all possible for Roman (writer's husband) to work this
week. SARAH & MAURA (sisters, 14 and 12, largely responsible for three
preschoolers at their own house) also helped out at VERY short notice when I
finally got to the doctor yesterday. BILLY & LAURISA (another member couple)
watched Ben when he was playing with Forest (their son) several times and, I
suspect, probably when he wasn't too. CHRISTINE (the new MSW renter from above)
did my work for my work team, also on short notice, with help from MAY, DEBRA &
JOHN (three other members). There are probably more people that I don't even
know about who helped me (there are), and I thank them also.
        Of course me being me, I was pretty darn cranky all this time too. So
apologies to Cheryl & Ben [big Ben] and anyone else I was snippy with while I
was delerious. It was without a doubt the most miserable illness I've ever had,
and I'm still not well yet. Imagine being in horrible pain and not being able to
say one word about it! My worst nightmare. Most of all, ROMAN the best husband
in the world, bar none, I love you.
                                                Love, Liz

***

Another time the whole community pulled together even more dramatically than
this was in early spring when Sarah and Maura's sister died suddenly. That's
where the three preschoolers came from. The grandmother is now the children's
legal guardian. Before and after the funeral, everyone was pitching in food,
just being there and especially helping watch the children. Our teenages
especially have spent a lot of time with the little ones, and it will continue
to be a supportive place here for them until they're grown up. The
guardian/grandmother/member has said she might write something on the
experience. Meanwhile she has said many times what a difference it makes to live
in a community like this.


So cohousers of the future, today's moral is that it will be worth all the work
and even all the hasslesand hustles  I and others report on here that arise
after you move in. Keep at it.

David Mandel, Southside Park Cohousing, Sacramento