Cohousing-L Mailing List: Spirituality, inclusion, community in cohousing

[Rob Sandelin (Exchange) (Robsan]

There are those who would say that cohousing is just a real estate =
development, designed to be a more convienient and social place to live. =
 And there are those who would say that cohousing is a community, with =
the same sort of intentionality and personal commitment required as any =
other intentional community.

Like most things, reality is probably somewhere between these two =
places.

 I know four existing cohousing groups who are having problems between =
people who want commitment and community and those who just want better =
designed real estate thank you. A friend of mine went to visit a =
cohousing group, brought up shared values and got scolded by a resident =
who declared: " Don't tell me about values, I don't have to share any =
values to live here. Cohousing has nothing to do with values!"=20

For example, in my work evangalizing cohousing, I find that most people =
find the physical manifestations of community to be very desirable: =
people caring about each other, working together cooperatively, sharing =
resources.  This is WHY they are interested in cohousing in the first =
place.  Without these things, what's the point?

In order to have the physical manifestions of community, I believe there =
is a root set of "values" that you  must share.  You must somewhere, =
whether you identify it or not, hold the value of caring for others =
(compassion), the value of cooperation, and value of giving and sharing. =
 I am pretty ignorant of most religions, but are not many based on =
similiar values?

Every cohousing group is exclusionary.  You exclude those who do not =
want to live cooperatively.  You exclude those who are not interested in =
caring about their neighbors, you exclude those who are unwilling to =
give up total personal automony.  This is not a bad thing, for if a =
cohousing group had significant numbers of uncaring, uncooperative, =
unsharing people, I do not beleive it could function as anything other =
than  a typical neighborhood, and having lived in cohousing for exactly =
4 years today, I can tell you, cohousing is not even close to being a =
typical neighborhood.

In my travels about the cohousing experience I have been privy to a =
large number of conversations from folks living in cohousing groups that =
are dissapointed that the level of "community" is less than they had =
wanted or thought it would be.  The sum of these conversations seems to =
indicate that people started off with an ideal of closeness and caring, =
and have found less of that once they move in.  In all these cases, I =
would say that the concept of "community" is what drew these folks into =
cohousing, and their dissapointment comes from some lack thereof. =20

So I would encourage you to think about WHY you are involved in =
cohousing and even bring that up and talk about now and again in your =
group.  Might give you some interesting insights.

Rob Sandelin
N.W. Intentional Communities Association
Sharingwood Cohousing Community