Cohousing-L Mailing List: Communication: macro- & micro-skills

[Christina_Hilliard-LCH005 (Christina_Hilliard-LCH005]

Topic 1: EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION/ INVOKING "EVERYONE" AS BACKERS
Responding to Buzz & Denise, re: 
<< "Cohousing should be" ... many people, while... stating their feelings, 
put them in "we", or "us" term[s], and thus purported to speak for all 
of us.  This is a common practice,  ...  you have taken a personal opinion, ... 
and transferred it into a global statement, which ...tells ... people 
how they should live their lives.  Everybody hates that. It doesn't matter 
which side of the argument you are on, if someone does that, ...you will 
hate it as much as they did.  >>

==> Buzz/Denise, this sounds like an example of the problem you cite?  I'm 
     wondering why you speak for "everybody?"

And re: << The solution, as [you] already know, is for everybody ... 
to use "I" statements.  ...  From marriage counsellors to consensus
trainers, this is the preferred method of communication. ... >>

==> Buzz/Denise, that is a lot of experts massed on your side!  Is it 
    possibly another example of the problem you cite?

And re: << Note that the forms of discussion which we all find nauseating, 
such as presidential debates and speaches by Saddam Hussein, are conducted 
by the participants entirely in the global style. >>

==> Buzz/Denise, is "we all find nauseating" an example of the problem 
    you cite?

==> OK, lest y'all think I've gone way beyond devil's advocacy, to pure 
obnoxi-hood, in responding to Buzz/Denise, let me say that I agree in 
principle: "I" statements are far preferable and far more functional 
than "Everybody knows..." statements.  It's just that I was beginning 
to resent your speaking for"everybody!"  

Topic 2:  WIDESPREAD PALATABILITY VS. WIDE-OPEN SPIRITUALITY
I gave a lot of thought to the remarks of the fellow who withdrew
from a cohousing group because he found so many people trying to undo/fix
dysfunctional pasts, by following a [Utopic?] community vision.
  
  [Excuse me if I mis-paraphrased, I hate long quotations; see below.]

I too am very leery of that energy source, and I think it turns-off
newcomers who investigate cohousing.  That's why I stick to things like:
   - Neighborhood safety, socializing, comforts, 
   - Plain 'n practical benefits like group snow-blower

I am all for self-actualization and a better, sustainable world but I 
don't lay all that out to newcomers, and I go for stepwise increments,
not Utopia.  (Shall I run for office?)

In fact the whole Sufi dancing thread (sorry, that was disrespectful,
I mean the spirituality/ritual thread) is making me cringe, because
I can practically hear the "prospects" un-subscribing in response.

Topic 3:  LONG QUOTATIONS
When following up on a post, please cite only *key* words or phrases
of the item that sparked your response.  It's tough to wade through
the long repetitions, and doing so dilutes your new remarks' impact.

Also, for me at least, a big Digest gets split into chunks, and/or
comes as an enclosure, AND the typeface is very small and hard to
read.  So: a plea for brevity and *selective* citations!

AND: do make use of returns, indents, short paragraphs, common symbols, 
and spacing to organize your remarks.  Do *you* read the triple-screenful
paragraphs from start to finish??

Enjoying this list, as ever,

Christina Hilliard
Commonweal Cohousing
*Imminently* purchasing a really cool site in ******n, Massachusetts!