Cohousing-L Mailing List: RE: On being too close for comfort

[Boleyn, Julie (JBoleyn]

I'm just postulating here, but I think each cohousing group is likely to
have a very different character. Some groups are going to be very
'touchy-feely', other groups will not. The character of a group will
likely change over-time depending on the people living there and the
traditions they develop. 

I would think that each member of a cohousing community has a certain
responsibility for helping to shape the culture, by making her/his needs
and desires known. But, there is the responsibility of letting go and
allowing others to do the same. 

So, while the touchy-feely (my words) retreat may have been too close
for you, it may have been inspiring for others. But, next time you'll
know that this isn't the space for you to be in. Perhaps it would be
helpful to create a tradition that you do feel comfortable with, and see
how the group deals with that.... 

-       Julie
p.s. Forgive me if I don't sound too coherent... I'm on my way to take a
much needed nap after a glorious weekend of dancing...



                -----Original Message-----
                From:   Sharon Villines
                Sent:   Sunday, May 17, 1998 5:37 PM
                Subject:        On being too close for comfort

                I share the feelings expressed by Tonka444 [at] aol.com about
"sharing" intensely
                personal feelings--which are usually very heavy--no one
seems to have
                intensely personal happy light feelings it seems--at
least they don't share
                them in group exercises.  Living is not therapy. Caring
is not therapy. Life
                is not therapy. Therapy is retreat from living in order
to clear up
                non-living and it needs to be done in carefully
controlled, time and space
                limited situations, and guided by experienced
well-trained professionals. I
                also am uncomfortable with exercises that ask one to
describe themselves as
                a tree or a flower. I'm  not a tree or a flower and have
no interest in
                being one.

                The thing I was attracted to in cohousing is that it
seems so sensible and
                practical and real. These stories concern me.

                Sharon Villines, Manhattan
                Archives of Detective Fiction,
http://www.fictionlibrary.org
                Deadly Serious Press, http://www.deadlyserious.com
                Synergy Cohousing, Delray Beach, FL
http://www.cohousing.net