Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Guest Rooms and strangers

[PattyMara (PattyMara]

Patty mara wrote:
<< Our
 > priority is to have
 > the rooms available for members, not run a hotel.

 floriferous [at] email.msn.com writes:>
 This attitude is both understandable and somewhat regretable. If all of us
 in the first wave of cohousing, who have opened our homes and communities
 for those who came after us had never been willing to share our experiences,
 I suspect cohousing would be much poorer for it. >>

All of us are indebted to those who continue to share their cohousing
experiences.  And at one time or another we all experience the need to pull
back in and live a more private life.  The very miraculous thing about living
in community however, is that when one member feels the need to pull in, there
are always many others with available energy to carry on the torch.  

In our newness, we have indeed experienced the flood of folks wanting to tour
and get a taste of cohousing...and have created some very needed boundaries so
that we can remain hospitable.  We now have one Sunday tour per month, and
will send out an information sheet to anyone who requests it.  We have a
"community host" who volunteers to interact with visitors.  The guest room is
available if it is not reserved by members, and the $25 per night fee is
divided into $10 for the homeowners association, and $15 for the host who does
the cleanup,  linen laundry and housecleaning. 

Most guests or "strangers" don't remain strangers for long.  Most contribute
wonderful energy and enrich the life of the community.  Some don't.  Such is
life.  

I am reminded of a quote from an article in Communities (fall 1997) magazine
which comes from an article about Admissions Standards for Communities,
written by Irwin Wolfe Zucker  (former Findhorn member and associate member of
Sirius Community):
"..if your community front door is difficult to enter, healthy people will
strive to get in.  If it's wide open, you'll tend to attract unhealthy people,
well versed in resentful silences, subterfuge, manipulation and guilt trips."

Strong words, and really applying to membership, not guests staying for short
visits.  But boundaries are good in both cases.

Just as I am writing this post, the telephone rings with a young man from
Colorado, who's dad lives in a cohousing community.  The dad gave him my
number.  He needs a place to stay and dry out (it's raining).  He's calling
from a pay phone.  I gave him the number of our current community host, and
told him to call me back if she's not home...he does call back, the host is
not home.  So I'm off to the common house to check the guest book to see if a
room is available.  This young man sounds vibrant and clear on the phone,
ready to take part in a wilderness course during his spring break, and just
needing a place to get out of the rain for a while....I am happy to help him,
and hope that when my teenagers find themselves in the same position that they
will have kind strangers offering them a place when they need it.    

Patty Mara Gourley
Tierra Nueva Cohousing
Central California Coast