Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: public displays of anger

[DHCano (DHCano]

You write:

<< No matter how angry and offensive someone is, asking them what
 > the problem is, and really trying to listen will calm them down in
 > nanoseconds  


Not so, unless you are in the very fortunate position of having only rather 
well-balanced people around you.

Actually there are a fair number of people who use angry, offensive behaviors 
as ways of controlling others.  

How to deal with a person who is displaying angry, offensive behaviors often 
depends largely on what the utility of the behavior is -- and the person may 
well be unconscious of his manipulative use of these behaviors, thus unable 
to give an accurate report of "what the problem is".

If this is happening often enough to be a problem to other members, it may be 
possible to observe what the gains are, and to factor this element into the 
response.

Diane Cano