Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: Arguments and Arguing

[Unnat (Zen]

By the way, are we talking about generally pleasant and reasonable
people who are temperamentally passionate and loud in their expression
and may yell a bit from time to time, or where yelling/dumping is a
person's standard response to  situation?

> There is a member of my community who is extraordinarily
passive/aggressive.

I find this style of behaviour very trying!  Often manipulative, covert
and blaming.  This type of person can behave in very 'abusive' ways.

I've seen a very dear and hard-working man driven out of the co-op that
he helped to develop by 'nice' women.  He would 'go off' occasionally,
usually in frustration at not being heard well, criticised for his
efforts to develop the permaculture.  He was accused as an oppressor.
Hah!  This man with the crusty veneer was a marshmallow who lived for
community and like most of us required little more than love and
understanding.  I was his ally during his last months and was shocked by
the injustice that I witnessed.  I actually like the people involved but
I have never felt less proud to be a woman.

I feel sad when I hear of 'appropriate' behaviour as judged by polite
society. Changes in behaviour need time, understanding and support.
I am fascinated and frustrated by this thread.

Robyn Williams
Pinakarri Community
Fremantle, Western Australia