Cohousing-L Mailing List: Arguments and Arguing

[Sharon Villines (sharonvillines]

Thanks to Rob and Stuart for the nice long posts on dealing with conflict--I
won't quote them.

In the example presented, as I understand it, there were two  people arguing
with each other, presumably over an issue important to them. The rest of the
group is bothered by the anger and the noise and the example for their
children.

I would suggest that this is the best situation for direct intervention. It
isn't a general free for all and there are many cooler, less concerned heads
around to help--reflect--support--clarify the issues. Waiting for everyone
to cool off and do it later, loses the intensity of the moment and
opportunity to really get at how the persons involved are feeling AND, even
more important, misses the opportunity to demonstrate group support and
caring.

Having someone else take control not only helps work through an issue that
the two people obviously cannot but it demonstrates that the two people can
trust the group to help-support them.

Again we are assuming that this is an argument and not a symptom of
personality disorder or deep denial. Confronting denial doesn't seem to work
(understatement).

Sharon.