Cohousing-L Mailing List: Re: ROMANTICIZING COHOUSING

[Victoria (victoria]

I couldn't agree more with:

>Well...I don't have a say in what other people do with their private lives,
even in cohousing, unless it directly affects me. It's pretty shaky ground,
asking a community to make a decision about whether or not to "support" a
particular lifestyle. I don't see it happening. That's one of the many
reasons some people choose cohousing instead of a more familial intentional
community<.

As someone said, with half of all marriages ending in divorce these days,
it's hard to find the data to support a belief that monogamy works best.  I
believe that a lot more of the 'gray area' relationships are going on than
is aknowledged.  Interestingly to me, my 17 year old daughter was recently
involved in a 3 way relationship, which she asked me to happily accept.  My
main feeling was "I wish you wouldn't do it, you are even more likely to get
hurt than in 'regular' relationship".  And I told her this was my opinion.
But I added that speaking as a divorced woman with an unimpressive record of
achievement in the relationship area, how do I know what works?  I wished
them well in overcoming possesiveness and jealousy (and of course had to
lecture about safe sex).  In fact, now the relationship has changed and she
is only involved with one of the people.  But they seem to have pulled the
change off while preserving all the friendships.  Either this is an
impressive achievement or they are all in denial.  I choose to give them the
benefit of the doubt.

My feeling is that it is quite clear that no one really knows 'what works',
in fact, we are probably hard pressed to agree on what a successful
relationship is.  Simply staying together long term is NOT the only
criteria, duh.  I hope I live in a community that expresses firmly 'no
opinion' when asked how we feel about relationship styles among consenting
adults.